Looking Through Scratched Up Lenses

Scratched up lenses!

Scratched up sunglasses!

I can't stand them! I know I should be and I really am thankful for sunglasses period...but when they get scratched it just gets on my last nerve!! And why is it that when that one first scratch appears it's right in the place where my eyeball lines up to the lense?!!! So aggravating!

I just got a new pair of sunglasses a few months ago...they were free!!! I think that's why I love them so much...Well and maybe because they are neon blue and green and have Geico written on the side AND a little gecko on the right corner of the lense. Yes, I may be crazy but they are mine and I got them free at the NC fair this year for singing karaoke with my girls... Yep, best part of the fair for me this year... we all three got a pair and if you didn't make it to the Geico truck you totally missed out!!!

But you know the best part about these shades? They are totally scratch free!!! So far, so good!! I'm doing my best to keep them that way. I love a great challenge...and believe me, keeping my glasses, whether they be these new readers I just recently began wearing or my little blue "Geico's", it's a great challenge!!

While I was in Kenya a couple months ago, I was sitting by the animal's watering hole wearing my awesome "Geico's" and began to think...I began to talk to God and I felt him begin to talk to me about seeing through scratched up lenses...Well, that was when it hit me...I realized that morning that I loved my "Geico's" so much because they were totally scratchless. I began to think how we so often keep wearing and looking through glasses that have become dirty and scratched, totally messing up the way we see things...keeping us from seeing things clearly...our vision is distorted and skewed.

Then I began to think about how sometimes we do that when we're not even wearing glasses..The "lenses of our lives" become scratched up and dirty over the years...Life somehow will throw stuff at us, unavoidable stuff, that scratches our shades...mud gets slung sometimes and some of it gets stuck to our lenses...We continue through life seeing things different, with our vision distorted, skewed, possibly blurred even. It happens. It happened to me and it's probably happened to you at some point or another...

Divorce caused a few big scratches on my so called lenses of life...distrust, fear of betrayal, bitterness, anger...
My own bad choices that later resulted from the previous scratches caused even more scratches to my lenses of life...shame, even more fear and distrust-of my own self, pain, even more anger...

I guess maybe you have some of your own...some similar...some different...loss of a loved one, loss of a job, drug addiction, etc...

So what do we do with the old shades? The old scratched up lenses??

I like to think that my God is the best lasik surgeon ever!!!! And he has unlimited free brand new sunglasses and we don't even have to sing karaoke to earn them!! How good is that?!

I had lasik surgery about 13 years ago... Coolest thing ever! No really, I sat down in the chair and 15minutes later I looked up at the clock on the wall across the room and could see perfectly what time it was! I was shocked! I mean, I had faith that the procedure was a good one, but I had no idea just how good it was. Isn't that like God sometime? We trust the procedure of him fixing our lives, but we just don't realize how good it is until we see clearly again.

So, I guess today and during this Christmas and New Year season, take time to allow God to do what he does best. Sit down in the chair and let him do the delicate surgery of fixing the way we see. I wish I could say it would be done in 15minutes, but I'm thinking it will be something he does carefully and slowly as to bring total clarity to our lives little by little. Take the shades off that may have become scratched up through the things of this life and let him give us a new pair. He will help us to stop judging others and this world  based upon our experiences and begin to see others and the things of this world through his lenses. Take his truth and paste it across our eyes and let everything we see pass through it first. Little by little, I believe we can see more clearly and judge less severely...

As we do this great exchange, give him our scratched up lenses and let him change the way we see, I pray he will be seen in us. Because we begin seeing through his lenses of grace and mercy we help others in the great exchange also. And one day, one day, instead of looking through a glass darkly we will see clearly and we will see him face to face, eye to eye... oh what a day that will be...when my Jesus I will see, and I look upon his face, the one who saved me by his grace...what a day that will be!

Because of Jesus,
Lenee

 

The day I found myself stuck in the mud...

So a little over a month ago I found myself stuck in the mud...no, really, stuck in the mud. Literally, stuck in the mud. The deep, black, thick mud of the Segera in Kenya.

It was a Monday morning and our medical mission team headed off to clinic in our bus we had named "the big green monster". The skies were so beautiful and blue. Earlier that morning I had watched the sun rise next to the peak of Mt Kenya. Stunning no doubt. Yes, I think I was the only one watching the greatest show on earth that morning. God was reiterating what I felt him saying the morning before, "You're not telling your story." I was reiterating my previous response, "I know God, you gotta help me with that. You know I don't like my story."

So, as we drove along the still muddy road from the torential rain that probably lasted only an hour or so the day before, wiping out our Sunday afternoon crusade, I said yes to God and began to share my story to the one whom I had sat beside on the back of the bus. I like the back of the bus. I always head to the back of the bus. And she just happened to be the one who decided to sit back there too that day. So, after putting up a bit of a fight in my head and heart, I stepped out and began to share my story. As I was finishing up, all of a sudden we hit a bump, a big hole... a something! I flew to the ceiling and hit my head(a week later I realized I had cut my head that morning when I thought I had a worm exiting my scalp to find it was only as scab-whew! praise God for that- the thoughts you have after some mission trips!) and landed back in my seat! Man that hurt! That was the beginning of my journey through the mud. Well, not really, just the beginning of the mud of Kenya...My mud journey had been going on for quite a while...

Once I realized we were not moving and our driver was punching the gas as good as he could with no avail, I began to think what we gonna do now? We were all asked to move to the left side of the bus when we realized the back tires on that side weren't getting much traction. That didn't work. I was at that point ready to get off and get this big green monster out of the mud. Grabbing someone else's rain boots (because mine were only ankle high) I made my way off the bus with others and began doing anything I could think of to get us out of that mess...

I began chopping down thorny bushes with a machete. Like two inch long thorny thorns. Frustration flying through every whack of that machete. We were sticking those under the tires. Then we began picking up rocks. There were not hardly any rocks!! Man what great rockless soil we discovered in the Segera that day! But what rocks we did find we put them under the tires also. And we pushed. And we pushed. And we pushed...And I fell over in the mud at some point. Yep. Now I pretty much had mud all over me. So then I began to wash myself off in the mud puddle nearby. Man, what a sight I'm sure that had to have been. But we kept on, or I kept on and encouraged, or told :(, everyone to keep on. But we kept on pushing and pushing and pushing trying to free the big green monster to no success. Sorry ladies that kept on telling all of us to keep pushing! Really, I'm sorry! I've been told I can be bossy sometimes. Guess it's true and I apologize! The green monster wasn't going anywhere!!! I was mad. I was frustrated. I was exhausted and I was spent!!! My everything had been given to freeing that monster and it wasn't enough. Did I say I was mad?

After a few more minutes we took a break and walked away. As was wondering around trying to think of another strategy, I made my way back towards the monster where Maria (our team leader and my roomie-probably the one who knows me best in the group) was looking at the issue we had on our hands. By now, an hour and a half later or more had passed and I was getting madder(is that even a word?) by the moment! And these words came out of my mouth, "I didn't come to Kenya to get stuck in the mud!" And then the tears began and I just started walking away. And walking. And crying. And walking. And crying. The team probably thought I had decided to just walk to the clinic! But me and God took a walk that day. And I finally looked to the blue skies and had my moment of surrender. I did it. I took out my white flag and waved it. And I cried and I talked to God and he talked to me. "I can't do this God! What is it?! What do you want from me? Physically I'm spent! My back is in so much pain right now! Our first day of clinic on Saturday was pure awful! Worst ever had in doing this mission stuff. I don't even know what was wrong. And now we're headed to another day of clinic, now three hours late!!! I give you everything I've got because obviously it's not my strength nor my ideas that you want or need! You and I both know the lies the enemy has been whispering in my ear...you're too old for this, you're not gonna be able to keep doing this stuff, your glory days are over, give it up, walk away...  God you know I don't want to believe his lies. You know I love this stuff! You know I want to keep on but God you gotta help me. It's gotta be your strength from now on. It's gotta be. I surrender. I surrender all. All my stubborness, all my self-sufficient ideas, all my pain, all my frustrations, all my anger. Everything. It's yours. I give it to you. If I'm gonna keep doing this, it's gotta be you. I'm done. I'm done!"

His words I felt him say went something like this, 'In your weakness, I am strong. I love you. I have always loved you and I always will. My love is not based on your performance. Let me be your strength. Let me be your everything. In me you can do all things. We are not done here and I will be with you wherever I send you and I will be your help. I will be your strength. I will be your everything. Will you let me?'

I said yes that day. Yes to my God in a way like I'm not sure I've ever said it before. There have been many days since that day I've had to say yes again, and remind myself of that big yes I made that day, then say it again. I wish walking with God was one big yes and we're good, but for some reason the enemy keeps attacking, and my flesh keeps wanting to be the strong one and I have to continually remind myself, "in my weakness, he is strong... yes God, yes" It's so hard for me to come to grips with the reality of my weaknesses, but I really believe he is allowing my weakness to be revealed so his strength can be revealed too. I just have to keep answering, "yes".

So, back to the big green monster stuck in the mud... Well, you're not gonna believe this but when I finally made my way back to the team, they were treating two really sick babies. Yep. Two different moms from two different areas were making their way to the "hospital" with their babies and we happened to be stuck right in their paths. Needless to say, I was very quiet in the moments to follow. When Maria looked up with her lively Puerto Rican red lipstick smile (yes even in the Segera! don't ever take red lipstick away from a Puerto Rican woman) and said, "Look! I just sewed this little babies foot up!", "Of course you did," was my simple response as I looked at the sweet little foot wrapped in gauze... I continued to observe the situation at hand...another baby getting a shot who had already received a breathing treatment from a nebulizer that wouldn't normally had even been on the bus that day. Actually none of the supplies were supposed to be there! All the supplies we needed were there only because Andrea (head triage nurse) decided that at the end of clinic the day before to bring the triage bag back to her room to "organize it"... don't tell me my God isn't awesome and doesn't work in ways we cannot see nor understand! He has a plan. He always has a plan! And it's always good and for his glory!!

For the next few moments, I just stood in awe at what God was doing and what our team members were doing... all I could think was 'I surrender all God, I really do.'

As the team was finishing up their care of those sweet God sent babies and telling the moms goodbye as the moms strapped them on their backs for the journey home, I kid you not another big truck came up and hooked up to our big green monster and began to tug and pull and tug and pull and out of the mud came our big green monster!!! Yes, right on time...God's time that is!! His timing is perfect. His ways are good. And by then I had surrendered all....

I learned so many lessons on that day, on that trip... this will probably later become "stuck in the mud part 1" when I'm able to share part 2 :).  Our team was amazing. Our driver, Joseph, was amazing. Our Maggie and our Kate (Kenyan leaders) were amazing, Our God was amazing. It was an amazing day that day...

As we began to make our way back to the big green, now freed, monster, we circled up and prayed. We gave God thanks for many things in that moment. All I could say was, "I surrender all, God. You let me get out here in the middle of nowhere, stuck in the mud so I could see you today. I'm so thankful that your ways are higher than my ways, I surrender it all to you God."

We made our way onto the bus and headed to clinic... which was a wooden church. Dirt, grassy, roots everywhere on the ground church... where we walked in with God and served those beautiful people who had been waiting all morning long. I have no idea to this day how we did it. Well, I do know.... I know he did it!!! We were able to serve about a hundred more people than we did the first day (that really bad day I mentioned earlier) and we did it with grace, joy and peace...the atmosphere was different and it just flowed. It just got done...not in our strength, but in our weakness he became our strength and we got it done. The people of the Segera were not the ones blessed that day. I was the one so richly blessed, each person on our team was blessed.

I bless the God whom I serve and who allows me to serve him this day, because he is simply a good God, a really good God and he let a little ole nobody like me see his face that day on that muddy road in the Segera...

just journaling...

11/28/2015
I just want to be home today.
I do. I'm a little or a lot homesick for my family today.
Why did I stay here 10 years ago when I could've packed it all up and moved back home? For my girls. I did it for my girls. I didn't want them to be fatherless. I didn't want them to grow up not knowing their daddy. So I stayed. I kept them here within 10 miles of their daddy. I realize his presence and having a relationship with him was more important than my comfort zone.
So today I'm homesick for my mama who's trimming shrubs at a lady's house back home who's husband has been diagnosed with cancer.
I wish I could see pregnant Hannah and touch her belly holding that baby inside.
I wish I could hug my brother who's probably in the back yard tinkering .
I would sit with my daddy and watch some TV. probably antique roadshow.
I'd ride down to mama D's and visit with her a while and pick up my care package.
I'd go over to my sissy's and just walk around her beautiful homeplace and probably sit on the deck over the pond and breathe deeply for a while. share a few moments with her...
I'd go see Kar-Kar!!! She's the bomb!! She's so much like Abby when she was a baby. So full of energy and totally entertaining!!! Such an awesome personality.
I'd just tell Corbin she's a beautiful mama and give Court Court a hug and tell her she's just simply beautiful too and Bug better know by now that she's to be treated like a queen and if not, then well...
I'd go to the Bowman cemetery and watch a little bumble bee spin its wings over Bigmama's grave and remind myself of what an awesome legacy I have to be thankful for. Thank God once again for the 94 years and 11months she lived here... the awesome strength and also awesome dependence on Him she always showed me. God, I just miss a lot of stuff today!
I would walk over to Popeye's and stand there looking at the gravel and remind myself what an awesome man and second dad he was to me. This Thanksgiving day he would've been 73! Man, I miss him like crazy...the talks, the advice, the simple love...I miss it all! I'd be sure the John Deer tractor was still there and if it wasn't I'd go to the Dollar General and get another one...
I'd drop by my brother Scott's and check out all his Christmas decorations I've heard he's already got out and I'm sure it looks fabulous.
And I'd just be home. Where today my heart is. I'd just enjoy being with my family and hearing their loudness and being in the midst of the crazy for a while.
Hug my family for me today God, I'm a little homesick...

A Day of thanks...

Today we Americans celebrate Thanksgiving...the coming together of pilgrims looking for religious freedom and native americans already living in the land of the free...

I am thankful... I am thankful for the things we so often never as Americans give a second thought to. I haven't always been thankful for these things I'm about to mention, but if life has taught me anything it has taught me above all else, be thankful...

I had nothing to do with the fact that I was born here with the many blessings I sit here enjoying today. It's called grace=unmerited favor.

I saw a picture this morning that reminded me of love that gives sacrificially...I can hear the one boy saying to the other even now, "I'll wear the left one, you wear the right one, that way we each have at least one and together we will always make a pair."

My goodness, if that isn't love! When I say those words, "if that isn't love", I'm reminded of my favorite hymn we sang as a choir in that baptist church growing up by that title. It talks about how Jesus left the splendor of heaven knowing his destiny was the lonely hill of Golgotha, there to lay down his life for me...If that isn't love, the ocean is dry, if that isn't love, there's no stars in the sky... I still love that song! If you know it, you'll now be humming it all day thanks to me ;-)... if you don't google it!

You and I may have never had to share a pair of shoes and probably never will, but we can be thankful, so thankful for love like that and first and foremost for a savior who really did leave an amazing place called heaven where I believe the streets really are paved with gold, or something even better we've never seen, and he really did lay his life down for me and you to live a beautiful life of purpose. I believe he really did get up out of that grave on the third day so that me and you could get up out of any death causing thing of this life.

So today, I'm most thankful for Jesus my Redeemer, the one who gave me a second chance and third chance and... you get the point, but he gave me the opportunity to live again. He's so good!

I'm thankful for two amazing, beautiful-inside and outside- daughters...
I'm thankful for a family who loves and supports me and each other. We're tight and that's the way I like it...
I'm thankful for the sun that shines down on my deck today...it's almost 60 already!!
I'm thankful for Wal-mart who has employed me for 18 years on Dec 1! and so thankful for a very understanding manager when it comes to this single mom shared custody scheduling stuff!!!
I'm thankful for a toilet...that flushes, that gets dirty and gets clogged, but most of the time it flushes...so thankful!
I'm thankful for a bed, a warm cozy bed and Elizabeth's stuffed animal bear that she left behind for me to snuggle with over the next few days.
I'm thankful for a home, a washer and dryer, a dishwasher even, running water-good drinkable running water...
Food, Stop Hunger Now who gives food to those without, greenhouses behind the school in the Segera that provide food and funding for the teachers there. Electricity, lights I can cut on and cut off...heat when it's cold and ac when it's hot...
Coffee...Coffee...Coffee!!!! God bless the coffee farmers all over the world! I love the fruit of you labor!
Firepits, fireplaces, bondfires, campfires...I love the look, smell and sound of a good fire.
A car...
My healing...my healing that has taken place and is taking place...
Shoes on my feet, both my feet...
I really could sit here all day. I'm sure you could too. We are blessed. We are both so very blessed not just for the material things we have been given, but also for the eternal things. The things we can't see here on earth...
I'm reminded that today I enjoy my blessings because of a God who says, "My ways are not your ways and my thoughts are not your thoughts" so there's possibly a reason, I may not always think of, as to why I have been so blessed. Why you have been so blessed...Could it possibly be that today, this Thanksgiving Day 2015 you and I begin to think deeply, think a little higher, ponder for a moment as we give thanks that we, maybe we have been blessed to be a blessing to someone else...What would our good God have us to pass on...Peace, love, kindness, a pair of shoes, a coat, a turkey...whatever it is pass it on...be a blessing. It's not about me being blessed. It's not about you being blessed. It's about using what we have to be a blessing...

Happy Thanksgiving as we find ways to pass it on!
Lenee

Hello, my name is Lenee, I am a self-sufficient, bull-headed, stubborn, strongwilled, independent woman...

"Hello, Lenee," You respond....

And so we begin this support group...

I just have to say, I don't know what God is up to in this heart, head and life of mine. He is good though, I  do know that. He's been showing me so much over the past few weeks.

Just the other day, I felt him ask me why I won't just let him take care of me. Isn't that what every wife wants? Just to be taken care of by her husband? And if he's my husband like I say he is then  why can't I just let go and let him take care of me....My response was, hmmm that's such an awesome question God...why we gotta have this conversation today? The prodding continued and the question continued to linger in my head until I was able to say, ok why don't I just let you take care of me? What is it that hinders me from letting go and letting you take it?... I finally came up with a few things...

Over the past ten years of my single mom life I have become a self-sufficient, bull-headed, stubborn, strongwilled, independent woman!! I lack the ability to trust and I choose to do it myself with the fear of somebody else (even God) doing it for me and not getting it right... Yes, I said it. I am a control freak in many ways and a protector and shielder of my girls above many things. I hear the first step to recovery is recognition and admission...so, I begin here with you hearing my confession and waiting on God to show me steps two through twelve.

I don't want to be this same person a year from now or even a day from now...

When we would do spring cleaning growing up (which I hated mind you) we would have the house so messed up and I would be like, "mama, it looks so much worse now!" She would say, "sometimes you gotta mess it all up to clean up." Well, the only way I think I can put into words what I'm feeling right now is that I'm messed up (in a good way-I think) and I'm gonna choose to trust my good God to clean this mess up...oh and can I say I still hate spring cleaning!!!!

So, I just invite you this morning to ride this thing out with me. It's time for me to get raw, real and vulnerable under theses palm trees and allow my God to do what he is so good at doing... reworking and making me what I ought to be.... and just maybe some of the things he does in me will be some of the things he wants to do in you. There's a song we used to sing growing up in my little Baptist church in Ga and it's called "He's still working on me". I've been singing and humming it ever since a muddy, really muddy, day in Kenya a couple of Mondays ago... I'll be sharing about that day soon, but for now let's just sing, "it took him just a week to make the moon and the stars, the sun and the earth and Jupiter and Mars, how loving and patient he must be....

he's still working on me",
Lenee

To trust or not to trust...that is the question

To trust...

Recently I was given the opportunity to share about trust at a Kenya planning retreat. I wanted to share my thoughts on my blog also in hopes someone who struggles with the issue of trust like myself may find it encouraging. 

Let me just say I like to talk more than I like to type but here goes trying to put my words on this keyboard.... :)

Trust...
What does it truly mean to trust?
What is trust?
How do we trust? How do we truly trust our God?

Trust="To believe that someone or something is reliable, good, honest, effective; To have confidence in; To believe something is true or correct; To hope or expect that something is true or will happen."

So, if trust has to with belief then how do we believe:

Things that I think affect the way we believe:

-Perception-the way we see things, our perspective from where we are in our own journey of faith, our view...I never get on a plane when I'm not reminded of our great God and His perspective on our lives and this world we live in! The thought that He sees it all, knows it all yet takes time and wants to know and be with me blows me away...so think about that for a few moments the next time you hit those friendly skies, let Him come close and listen for His voice to speak tenderly to you along the way...

-Experiences-past experiences alter our perspective, perception and view...Whether good or bad they play a huge part in choosing to trust

-Knowledge- of God's Word, the Bible; Of who He is, our creator, the great craftman He is and His character

-Foundation- Is it secure and solid or shifting like the sand on the seashore, that washes away with every wave?

-The fear vs faith factor- we will find ourselves on one side or the other

So in order to illustrate what I feel God showing me about trust I will use a chair... picture a chair, possibly a chair you may be sitting in now...or will sit in...you just sat down didn't you? You didn't question it's ability to hold you or to remain stable and secure...you just sat down. Possibly because you've sat down in it before, it has held you in the past, you may have bought the chair and thought it to be of good craftsmanship and fully capable to do what it was made to do....hold you...

Now, picture a chair that looks somewhat like a small hammock with a wooden bar at the top, a big silver ring and cloth tied to it and to top it all off, I'm standing here holding it with my own two hands... Will you come sit in it??? Come on, sit down, I got it, I got this.....Ok probably not and for several reasons...One being, you probably doubt I can hold you up; two, you may not have ever seen a chair like it before; three, you have no idea who made the chair nor their experience or worthiness of craftsmanship.

So when it comes to trusting our good God, I just want to encourage each of us, myself especially, to think of several things so that we can make the choice to trust...He has held me in the past, He's a strong enough God, His Word is true and His promises will be fulfilled, I know the Creator is good at what He does, and there is a solid foundation on which He stands.

Now, back to the hammock chair... if it were bolted to a sturdy wooden plank and you new it was crafted with precision and made to hold you...wouldn't you give it a try? wouldn't you even think, man this is pretty cool and have a little fun sitting in it? Something new, something different and something even a bit exciting...

God is able to hold us! He is anchored and not gonna let us down. He is made to hold everything, every weight we carry around weighing us down and wearing us out. We just have to choose to sit down, sit in His lap and choose to trust in Him. In His Word, God says that to each He has given a level of faith. We take that level of faith, choose to believe His promises, Get in His Word to know Him more so that we know who our Creator is and we begin to believe it...As we begin to believe, we are able to make the choice to trust. 

I keep saying we make the choice to trust, because from my experience there are many times when trust is not a feeling or a thing that just comes natural to me. I have come to think the number one thing the enemy of our souls is out to accomplish is to destroy our ability or desire to trust-others, ourselves and our God...I hate to say he is good at it too. That's why it's so important that we make the choice and not rely on our feelings, past hurts or bad experiences we've suffered in this life and know that we serve a God who is good! Real good! This world is bad and we go through bad stuff, stuff I'll never understand, but our God is good. His sovereignty can be trusted. Romans 8:28 says, "And we know that God causes all things to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purposes for them." He can and will hold us, tight!

Proverbs 3:5&6 says, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart (mind,will and emotions); do not depend on your own understanding (past experiences in this world, perceptions, knowledge). Seek his will (not my own) in all you do (the light stuff and the heavy stuff), and he will direct your paths (he will even go before us, behind us and stay right beside us along that path)".

Choose to trust Him like never before. Know that He is strong enough, He is loving enough, He is worthy enough to take us along this path we call life...

Going with Jesus wherever he leads,

Lenee

In the Desert He Becomes 'My Husband' instead of 'My Master'

"But then I will win her back once again. I will lead her out into the desert and speak tenderly to her there. I will return her vineyards to her and transform the Valley of Trouble into a gateway of hope. She will give herself to me there, as she did long ago when she was young, when I freed her from her captivity in Egypt. 
"In that coming day," says the LORD, "you will call me 'my husband' instead of 'my master.'  Hosea 2:14-16 NLT

It just got real for me all over again...

I just have to be real when I pour myself over these words that follow. I'll become vulnerable in hopes that His Words will be light to someone else's darkness. The Light always, always takes over the darkness.

You see, I sit here with tears streaming down my face because for over a week now, the words you just read from Hosea have been turning in my mind and spirit and have felt they would be what I would blog about next. I now know why the enemy has distracted me and tried to put this off yet another day. As I sat down to begin typing the verses, not fully knowing how to convey this passage I glanced to see when God first showed me these words in Hosea. I'm a bit overwhelmed right now because one of the dates, the earliest,  I had noted by this passage was the day my divorce became final almost ten years ago. And yes, after ten years I need to be reminded of these words. My God has been amazingly faithful over the past ten years and my story didn't begin there, nor does it end there... in the desert...

As I ran this morning, I began to ask myself and ponder yet again, 'what is it about the desert?...what is it that makes the change from 'master' to 'husband'?... why do we ever need the desert experiences of life? ... what's so life changing? what makes the difference?...'

As I asked those questions, I decided I could best try to figure it out by looking at the desert...what makes a desert a desert?  What did my desert look like?

Dry, dusty, windy, hot, scorching hot, uncomfortable, barren, lonely, not much food, even less water, prickly things, painful things....

But not alone, there was someone with me...I still don't understand this part, but the word says, 'He leads us out into the desert', so that must mean He's there with me too.

I believe sometimes, or should I say for me, it was then that I was able to give Him my attention. Yes, there were still times in my desert that I went looking for companionship, food, and rest in places my God never intended... It's called "the flesh" and yet I still am sitting here covered in it today, but today I realized this flesh also has a second covering over it called "grace" and that's why I am able to sit here and say how faithful my good God is because I am in Christ Jesus and what he has done for me.

When we are lead to the desert places, it somehow gets our attention. I don't know if it's because we finally get thirsty for God or because we finally are able to remove all the distractions. But what I do know is in the desert we do get thirsty, we do get hot and tired, we do get hungry and there's one person who's there no matter what and that's our God and His Word. For that, I am forever grateful.

But what else is it about the desert that changes us? I love the next thing the one who leads us into the desert does... He speaks tenderly to us there. He begins to say, 'I got you, we got this. I really am enough, just trust me. I have brought enough food and I have enough water to sustain you through this desert. Just trust me, I am your Source.' He speaks tenderly because everything else in the world is shouting to get our attention and get us sidetracked and distracted. He speaks tenderly as if in an intimate voice of unconditional love. He speaks tenderly because that's his heart for his beloved. He loves us so much that he tenderly whispers instead of barking out orders demanding things of us.

He then returns our vineyards. That's good to me... See as he lead us out into the desert we sometimes have to leave a lot of stuff behind... stuff... relationships, our old identity, jobs, material things...our vineyards, the things we thought brought us sustanance and provision...Vineyards back then were a source of life, provision and blessings. When we arrive in our deserts we may think all that has been taken away, but I love that God's word says he RETURNS our vineyards! He gives back and I believe since it is from Him it's even better than before. The vineyards he returns are our source of life, provision and blessing greater than anything we could've previously experienced. Is the desert sometimes still painful? Yes. Is it sometimes hard work? Yes. Anyone who owns a vineyard will tell you it's hardwork, oh but it's so worth it!! It's so worth the pruning, the picking, the crushing and the time spent in the lonely barrel fermenting. It's so worth allowing God to produce the New Wine in us.

Then there's a transformation that takes place. The Valley of Trouble is transformed into a gateway of hope. A door of hope in the middle of a desert!!! That's so good to me. So when I find myself in a "valley of trouble" I now begin to look for the door of hope!! He promises it is there somewhere. The transformation process makes something totally different out of what there was before. Begin looking for the door of hope instead of wandering aimlessly in those valleys of trouble we find ourselves in sometimes.

Then, eventhough we may still be in the desert, we finally give ourselves to him, our LORD. We give ourselves to him once again like we did in the beginning, when we were young, maybe when our marriage first begun, when we knew we had been rescued from Egypt. Sometimes in the desert we have to still remind ourselves of what God has done already. Remind ourselves of the times he came through and provided time and time again, remind ourselves of his promises and how he will not leave us nor forsake us. Remind ourselves of the love and passion we had for our God when we first came into relationship with him. If you don't have that relationship, you can, right now, just say 'I want it, God, I want you, I want you and me. I'm tired of this desert and trying to fend for myself and find food and water on my own. I want what you have. I want my vineyards returned, the ones you have for me, I want to see and walk through my door of hope.'  Oh, my friend, he will meet you there. You will feel his loving arms around you and hear him speaking tenderly to you there. He loves you and me more than we can ever imagine.

That's when it happens, we throw ourselves on our God in such a way that we feel his loving embrace, we let go of what we've been so desperately holding onto and we allow him to give us new vineyards, new passion and new hope. We see him and hear him speaking tenderly like never before, and that's when we know it, that's when we realize his love is greater than anything. We choose to trust him. We choose to believe in Him...We choose Jesus and realize he has chosen us to be his very own. We realize we are in relationship based on love, pure love and not demands and laws. We realize Jesus fulfilled the law and has given us love, so much love... and that's when it happens, that's we call him 'my husband' instead of 'my master'.

Be blessed today in the grace of our Savior, our Redeemer who lives, I call him my Husband.

There are Hidden Treasures to be Found

There was this vase. It was tucked away in a box and stored away in a dark attic for quite a while. Then one day someone decided to go through all the stuff that had been long ago hidden away, left undisturbed, in that dark place. When the vase was uncovered they took a long look at, rubbed the dust off and thought, 'hmmm, this may be of some worth'....

And I will give you treasures hidden in the darkness----secret riches. I will do this so you may know that I am the Lord, the God of  Israel, the one who calls you by name. 
Isaiah 45:3

What if we began to see the darkness of this world in a new "light"? What if we, who carry the greatest Light ever to be known, begin to see the darkness in a new way? What if, instead of being afraid of the dark, we begin to realize that we have the light and that the light always takes over the darkness. What if we begin to realize that the darker the place the brighter the light shines? What if we begin to look for the hidden treasures that are all around? What if we begin to uncover the secret riches that have been forgotten about and stored away?

I simply sit here this morning and write this to challenge myself and anyone who reads this. We gotta begin the greatest treasure hunt ever. Greater and more exciting than any treasure Nicholas Cage could ever think of. This is a treasure hunt that will challenge each of us to begin to look for the hidden treasures and the secret riches in any darkness we encounter instead of shaking our heads and walking away. I want to be able to see those things that God has placed inside every precious heart of every important person I encounter. God has placed it inside of me, you and every person we encounter whether we or they have found it yet or not.

I pray this day that we will begin to uncover the hidden treasure, the secret riches that lie forgotten about and stored away in the attics of hearts and lives that we encounter every day. Begin to see with the light God has given and shine it on the darkness. Speak life. Shine the light.

The vase ended up on the Antiques Road Show...the vase was discovered to be made of pure jade...the vase, when observed from the point of view of a person who knew the artist, its creator, and its content, the vase was given great value. The vase had been long hidden, forgotten about, but now it would be on display, it would be insured, it would be valued, it would be kept safe and sound....

When we know the Artist and Creator of every person we encounter, we too will assign great value and worth to every precious soul. We will begin to see the treasures hidden away, purposes that haven't been known before, potential stored up for a great plan that was devised before this world was created. When we realize who we are in Christ Jesus, we begin to realize we are of worth and value. We begin to know that God has created us with His own hands. We are His masterpieces. We are insured by the blood of Jesus when we simply choose to believe in His redeeming grace. We are kept safe in the palm of His hands...

No doubt, there is darkness all around. We encounter it every day. Whether it be a life circumstance, relationships, places or people, my prayer today is that we will begin to look at the darkness with this new thought and determination: Since there's darknesss, there's got to be a hidden treasure, there's got to be secret riches... then begin the treasure hunt to find it, to allow God to reveal it, to shine the Light on it...to become rich from the secret treasures that are ours in Christ Jesus.

I Pledge Allegiance

"I pledge allegiance to God the Father who is faithful and sovereign, to Jesus Christ who paid the ultimate price redeeming my life and to Holy Spirit who speaks to me and through me, who is my Constant Companion."

These are words I jotted down after worship at Hope Chapel on Sunday morning June 14. I, at the time, had no idea why the word "allegiance" and what it truly means kept coming to my mind during worship. I got into my own little world with my God and began to pledge my "allegiance" to him. The word has been on my mind for almost two weeks now and I'm beginning to see why. I will share with an open heart and a love and desire for God to be glorified.

I knew that Sunday morning God had put that word into my spirit and I would eventually sit down and google what the word "allegiance" means. That was just a few minutes ago and I love, love, love my God and the way he speaks.

Allegiance: An allegiance is a duty of fidelity said to be owed, or freely committed, by the people, subjects or citizens of their state or sovereign. -Wikipedia

He is the Sovereign One I pledge my allegiance to. His heaven is my state of which I am a citizen. My fidelity (fidelity: quality of being faithful or loyal-wikipedia) is owed and freely committed to being in Christ Jesus, in whom I am made whole and complete.

In the midst of the tragedy in Charleston, my heart broke this morning as I finally sat down to read about what happened to those beautiful people in that beautiful church worshipping and learning about our beautiful sovereign God on that beautiful Wednesday night. I pray for healing that only our God can bring. My heart breaks to think also that our nation can be so torn apart. I pray for healing that only our God can bring. The fact is that I am an American and thankful to be one. I am a white southerner and that will never change. The fact is that I also had nothing to do with either of those things. I didn't choose to be born to Ben and Linda Rice in a small town in Georgia in the United States of America. I had NOTHING to do with it. God sovereignly chose all of those things. He decided. He decided where all of us would be born and what color skin all of us would wear and he said, "It is good!" In the midst of tragedy of this magnitude the enemy of this world would love to cause us to hurt even more. That's why I choose to trust that God knows what he is doing today and knew what he was doing in the beginning. I hate the things that have happened in our past and I also know they cannot be changed. I also know and believe that all things can work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purposes.

So today, I encourage myself once again and anyone reading to think about what or whom we really choose to pledge our allegiance to. Is it really a flag we pledge to? Eventhough I get chills and place my hand over my heart every single time I hear the national anthem of our country, it is not my hope. It is not where I put my faith and trust. I pledge to something greater, someone greater. I pledge my life of service, faithfulness and loyalty to the One True God who is beautifully sovereign, who is my hope, who is my redeemer, who is my Constant Companion. I pray you would choose the same.

I believe when we do this, our nation will come together and be healed. God will be glorified again and Jesus will become known and we will be in him, not ourselves. Our God is greater. The light we have is greater than the darkness we face. We're not alone in this Nation under God, Nothing is too hard for our God.

"We're Not Alone" by Elevation Worship

The Second Wind

The second wind... The beautiful sought after second wind...

As I was running this morning, I experienced the second wind. My first wind was totally spent in the first half mile, but I had to keep going. Then it happened...It was great, and because of it I was able to keep running a little faster, a little easier. I finally felt like I wasn't gonna die! I began to think as I ran about the beauty of the second wind and how we desire that second wind in every aspect of our lives. 

While we run this race we call life, there are many times we long for that second wind. It can be an emotional, spiritual or physical second wind we desire and receive from our great God.

The thing about the second wind is that in order to get it we gotta keep running. We can't give up. Eventhough the run is hard and we are desperately gasping for air, we just gotta keep up the pace, keep putting one foot in front of the other. We gotta just keep going as my running path reminds me of so often. Someone took a can of spray paint and wrote that on part of the path. While I don't necessarily condone spray paint in public paths and places it does serve as a great reminder along my way! Just keep going! If we just keep going we will get the second wind. Our bodies have been created for it. 

We run along then comes the hills...the hills of life! The places where we can't see what's on the other side and all we know is it's all we can do to keep up the pace. The second wind is given so we can make it up the hills. When our strength is all but spent on the last step and there are many more ahead before we reach the top of the hill. Some people like to walk up the hills and that's okay. They still reach the top. But, not me. I like, well I don't like, I just choose to run the hills. I choose to run because if I run the hills they'll be over sooner. Just my choice, but whatever you prefer, just keep treking the hill. Soon we will reach the top and on the way up we will gain strength and endurance we didn't think possible. When I'm running the hills whether it be in a physical sense or spiritual sense, I like to remind myself of the previous hills I've climbed with my God as my strength and companion. He is the best running mate I've found yet. I tell myself, there's no hill me and him can't run up and sometimes I can even say in confidence, we got this, this is nothing compared to the hills before.    Make a highway for the LORD through the wilderness. Make a straight, smooth road through the desert for our God. Fill the valleys and level the kills. Straighten out the curves and smooth off the rough spots. Then the glory of the LORD will be revealed, and all people will see it together. The LORD has spoken. Isaiah 40:3-5

And then there are the hills that seem so much higher and longer. Those are the ones where I have to remind myself, there is someone stronger, there is someone greater who will take me up the hill. In my weakness, Jesus becomes my strength. He becomes my second wind. He gives me the ability to just breathe deep and continue putting one foot in front of the other.    He gives power to those who are tired and worn out; he offers strength to the weak. Even youths will become exhausted, and young men will give up. But those who wait on the Lord will find new strength. They will fly high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint.  Isaiah 40:29-31

As we go up unfamiliar hills and unknown paths, we choose to trust that Jesus is our running mate. Not only is he our running mate, but he has already gone ahead on the path and cleared the way. He's good like that.     I will lead blind Israel down a new path, guiding them along an unfamiliar way. I will make the darkness bright before them and smooth out the road ahead of them. Yes, I will do these things; I will not forsake them. Isaiah 42:16

So, as we keep running this race we call life, just keep going, keep expecting and keep receiving the strength of the second wind. Breathe deep, keep up the pace, and remember we're not running alone.   Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.  Hebrews 12:1-2

If Trees Could Talk...

This tree...If this tree could talk...

This tree stands in the yard I grew up in...It's seen a lot....it could say a whole lot...
I'm "home" today and as I stepped outside this morning looked to see where the sun would be rising, I saw the rising of this tree and I thought, boy, if this tree could talk....I think this is what it would say...

"Well, good morning, Lenee, it's been a couple months hasn't it? Good to have you back home again. Hang on a few, the sun is right there it will be peaking pretty soon, see my leaves up top have already seen it...I've got proof already that it's on its way up. And yep, you're so right, boy have I seen alot. a whole lot! Remember when Bryan hooked your sled up to the back of the motorcycle and slung dirt all over you right in front of me? Remember when I was third base? I've seen many a hands quickly tap me on their way to home plate. I used to love to watch y'all play ball! I especially loved it when one of the boys would get a really good crack of the bat and off the ball would go flying right through the window of old man Hoke's house that use to be right there.  I wasn't so big back then, but look at me now. I just kept growing, fighting off disease, storms and whatever comes my way...see, a few around me have been taken down... but not me...I'm still here. I'm still standing. Remember all those laps you took around me on that Dingo Dunebuggy? Those days were pretty scary for me...I just knew in one wrong turn I'd take a hit, but I didn't you kept in on the path, surprisingly so...Oh Chrio wasn't so lucky that day he ran it into one of my buddies in the lower lot though, right? I slightly remember you being pretty upset with him that day...He's in heaven now having the ride of his life...Then came the dirt bike! Oh my goodness, your guardian angels have really been busy all these years! And who would've thought as much of a tomboy as you were you would've actually grown up and got married and had a couple beautiful girls as you did. I remember those hard days too when you came home that first Easter without the hubby... things had gotten messed up a bit and you were here with just the girls. Easter. It was Easter. Your favorite time of the yeard no doubt, but this one was a bit difficult....We had a good Easter even though you were sick with a stomach bug of some sort...I remember Meemaw and Lori coming back from Elberton with some surprises for the girls' Easter baskets. You were pretty taken by their goodness. What would you do without family, girl?! Thank God for the support of a good family! Abby actually potty trained herself that weekend too, remember? She is so independent, a lot like somebody else I've watched over these many years. She had a great example in her big sissy no doubt and I'm sure God knew you didn't need that added potty training stress along with everything else. He certainly knows what we can and can't handle doesn't he. He's been so faithful, hasn't he. He's been so good to you and those girls. He's been good around this homestead too. That day when your daddy started driving those two gigantic bolts in my trunk, I'm thinking, Oh my gosh! What in the world is he doing to me? Doesn't he know I'm one of the few originals! I've been here too long to suffer like this? But now I see, now I understand. It was so worth the pain. The wounds have healed now and I've got a pretty cool zipline attached and oh the laughs and squeals that thing has brought! I've so enjoyed every moment eventhough the pain was great in the making of it. I have to admit I've laughed pretty hard at those who have taken a beating on the tree below! Thank goodness your daddy is a pretty smart man and has covered it with some sort of cushion now. And oh, I just love it when your mama plans these so called "get togethers". I heard her saying the other day, that the Rice's are coming over when you come back through next weekend. I just love it when there are little ones running all around me swinging on these swings that I'm so faithfully holding up with my branches and ziplining as fast as they can. When the Maxwell's were here Easter, it was a great time too. I absolutely love, love, love to watch yall do the "money hunt"...one day I just know I'm gonna see a pure knock down, drag out fight over a single dollar bill!!! Hahaha... That'll be good for sure! Oh, Lenee, life just keeps going on doesn't it? People come and go. People laugh and cry. People live and die. But, one things for sure, that sun always tops those trees over there. The God who set this amazing world in motion is so, so faithful! Even when we doubt wether it will ever rise again, it does. Even when the storms, the bad Northeast Ga storms come, my branches might sway and I may even loose a few along the way, but I'm still standing. I'm still enjoying these beautiful sunrises in this absolutely gorgeous place I was planted in so many years ago, even before you totally shocked your mama and daddy by your appearance. Your mama has done so well with making everything around me a sanctuary. I think it's her sanctuary to. Wow, if you only knew the prayers I've seen go up as she has planted, watered, weeded and whatever else it is she's always doing. She's a true work of art herself. And that daddy of yours...bless his heart. He always just keeps bringing the pinestraw, he keeps cutting this grass, he keeps fixing all the stuff around here and helping with all her little projects she comes up with. I just know every squirrel in Bowman knows about him too...I hear them talking when he's away...'whatever you do, you better not show your little tail around here when that white van is in the driveway...that man's got a 22gauge shotgun that can take you down to the ground!' It's been such an amazing time I've had here in this yard. I've seen many, many things. I've seen many, many fun times. I've seen many, many hard times too. What I'm telling you is true, Lenee, life goes on and that sun has been faithful to rise every morning I've been here. Of course, there have been days when the clouds covered my view, but the sun was always there just on the other side of them. I totally have a hallelujah dance with my brances when the silver lining shows up! I love it when the beams of the sunlight pierce through the dark clouds. The light always eventually wins! The night always gives way to the day! I just keep growing, I just keep my eyes open, I just keep hoping and believing it will shine, it will shine bright even when the sky above me is covered with dark clouds. But today, look around there are no dark clouds, not even a cloud in the sky. And enjoy this day. Enjoy the goodness of God all around you. Bask in the presence of the sun and enjoy the faithfullness of the One who planted you. Who set you in the place he choose specifically for you to grow, to survive. The soil is perfectly fertilized and contains all you need to thrive. Just keep growing, just endure the pruning, just keep looking forward to every new day you see that sun rise. And give Him all the glory, give him the praise for the proof of his goodness, majesty and mighty hand at work all around you. He is good, Lenee, He is so good. Enjoy the mercies that are new every day and his grace that is so sufficient. His love for you is higher than anything I have yet to see even from my perspective. Just keep growing, keep relying on him for your strength, for your light, for your nutrients and for your much needed refreshing water. He is good. He is faithful. He can be trusted. He really can."

"...For the LORD has planted them like strong and graceful oaks for his own glory."  Isaiah 61:3

Mourning to Praise

I'm not sure why this word is on my heart to share, but I'm gonna be obedient and ask the Holy Spirit to help me convey what I feel Him speaking today. May God be glorified and someone be encouraged.


Soon afterward Jesus went with his disciples to the village of Nain, with a great crowd following him. A funeral procession was coming out as he approached the village gate. The boy who had died was the only son of a widow, and many mourners from the village were with her. When the Lord saw her, his heart overflowed with compassion. "Don't cry!" he said. Then he walked over to the coffin and touched it, and the bearers stopped. "Young man," he said, "get up." Then the dead boy sat up and began to talk to those around him! And Jesus gave him back to his mother. 
Great fear swept the crowd, and they praised God, saying, "A mighty prophet has risen among us," and "We have seen the hand of God at work today." The report of what Jesus had done that day spread all over Judea and even out across it borders.
Luke 7:11-17 NLT

Can we just stop a moment and think about what just happened in those few verses? A mother has lost her son. I can't imagine. She had lost her husband previously making her a widow. She was about to bury the son who was supposed to take care of her, give her grandchildren one day, carry on their family name. There were mourners, many mourners. Some probably there out of love and respect. Some there possibly being paid to mourn. There were professional mourners back then believe it or not. Nonetheless there were many mourners and she was one of them. As the procession proceeded out of the village gate heading to the chosen place of burial, Jesus meets them where they are. In the midst of all the noise of the mourners and the shuffeling steps of the bearers carrying the coffin, Jesus notices. He sees the mother of this young boy. He sees the fear in her eyes, he takes notice of the heart broken beneath the surface. And he stops, he pauses. He interrupts his current thoughts, he looks at her. He looks her full in the face. His heart begins to overflow with compassion. Their eyes meet and he sees the tears coming down her cheeks, her red swollen eyes meet his and she now pauses...

I can't imagine what she saw that day. Can you? The God of the universe who has come down from heaven to walk among us is looking her full in the face and sees beyond her tears. He knows this is it for her. No husband, now no son and as his eyes begin to fill with tears, he speaks to her. She is looking at Jesus! He is looking at her and he begins to speak with more love and tenderness than she has ever known or heard before.

"Don't cry!"

That's it. That's all he said to her. Two words. Two words that changed everything for her that day for the rest of her life. I'm sure she wanted to explain her circumstances, how dire they really were. Surely she must have thought even in that moment, but you don't understand. Or did she? Did she see the understanding in his eyes? Did she know in that moment that those words were about to change her life forever?

Jesus doesn't hesitate for a moment. His heart overflowing with compassion couldn't be stopped from doing the miraculous. He walks over to the coffin and touched it. That in itself was huge. You weren't supposed to touch a coffin. Especially if you were to ever serve in the temple. So Jesus, touching the coffin says, this is not about religion and your rules, this is about my heart being moved with compassion for this mother, this widow, and I gotta do something about it.

Of course, those carrying the coffin stopped. The bearers were probably still thinking, 'Woe! who is this man walking up in here and having the nerve to touch a coffin,' Or did they see it too? Did they see the compassion in his eyes? Did they know something huge was about to go down? They stop and Jesus looks up into the coffin and begins to speak to the dead boy.

"Young man, get up".

Four words. Four words that brought life back into his body. Four words that changed his life forever. Four words that showed that mother and everyone there that day, including the mourners, that this was not just a man who just happened to be walking through the village gate at that particular moment that day.

The dead boy sat up and began to talk to those around him! So, like what do you think the boy began to say? I mean here he just came back to life and immediately he is just talking away to the ones carrying him in the coffin! And evidently he eventually climbs down out of the coffin probably still talking because then the Bible reads, "And Jesus gave him back to his mother."

Can we imagine for a moment the look in her eyes now and the smile Jesus had on his face as he brought the boy to his mother. Man! what a moment! What an awesome moment! Not just for her but for the many mourners with her!!! This was a moment for the entire village. They got it. They had been there in that moment and their lives too were changed forever!

Great fear swept the crowd, and they praised God saying, "A mighty prophet has risen among us," and "We have seen the hand of God at work today."  The crowd was made up of mouners! Mourning turned into praise! Just like that mourners became praisers! They recognized that they had seen the HAND OF GOD AT WORK that day and it changed EVERYTHING!

What made the difference? What was the hand of God at work that day? What was the life changer?

What was once dead, became alive again. By the heart of Jesus overflowing with compassion, he spoke new life into the lifeless boy. The once dead boy sat up! He sat up! And began to talk and hugged his now forever changed mother!

New life changes everything!

I don't know who this is for today, but Jesus wants you to see his face of love and heart of compassion today through your red, bloodshot, tearfilled eyes. I believe he wants you to know he was moved with compassion and his heart bled for you, yes you, on the cross that day and still today in this moment. Mourning stinks. It really does. But it is so necessary at times too.

One of the most important things I learned over the past ten years is to mourn. To allow myself to feel the pain of loss and to allow my heart to break before my loving and moved with compassion heart of Jesus. I believe we are wired to mourn when we have lost something or someone precious. A child. A mother. A father. A brother. A sister. A spouse. A marriage. A job. A friend. A dream.... I'm thankful that Jesus in the story above showed up in the midst of the mourning and not before. In my experience, we have to allow ourselves the time to mourn. We have to let our hearts go there. He doesn't tell us not to mourn, he always says he will turn our mourning into something else for the better. In Ecclesiastes, we are told there is a time to mourn. We have to take our pain and our losses to him or else we will continue to carry a weight we were never meant to carry. It will begin to hinder the amazing race he has set before each of us.

I can't imagine the pain of the losses some of my friends and family have experienced. I may not have experienced the level of loss and pain you have faced in the past or may be experiencing now. All I know is Jesus wants you to see his face in the midst of it. He wants you to know he can bring new life from it. He can take it. He can take the anger that comes along with it, he can take the brokenheart that it causes and he can say, get up, I've got more life ahead of you. It's not over. We mourn, but then we get up. We get up to see the face of Jesus still looking at us with a heart overflowing with compassion.

The mourners there that day saw the hand of God at work. His hand is at work in my life and in your life today. He is bringing new life.

It's okay to mourn. Take time to mourn. Bring things to the heart of Jesus and leave them at his feet. I believe that's when his feet become beautiful because they are able to stand upon and cover everything we bring to them. It's okay to cry. That's how he created us. We just have to be ready to hear his voice when he says, "Don't cry" and then we gotta listen for him to tell the dead to get up. Get up and see the hand of God at work in us and through us. May you be strengthened and encouraged by the power of His mighty hand at work today.

The report of what Jesus had done that day spread all over Judea and even our across its borders.

To my Lord, whose heart always overflows with compassion.

This storm too shall pass

Storms of earth...Storms of life...

I don't like storms. There are some people who do. They are called storm chasers. I think those people are crazy! Seriously! Who goes around chasing storms?! Not me. I like to avoid storms as often as possible. But, as much as I would like to avoid storms, all storms for that matter, it's not an option. Storms happen. Sometimes storms can't be avoided.

Storms of life show up...sometimes out of nowhere! Like those when it's nice and pretty outside, around 80 degrees, pleasant then all of a sudden the wind begins to blow, the skies turn dark and we begin to think, 'Ummm, this looks bad, this could get ugly, I better take cover.' And we do. We take cover as soon as and as best as we know how.

I'm curious to know how many remember the old storm shelters? We had one in our neighborhood when I was a child. It no longer exists, but I saw someone else's when I was in Ga for Easter. They seemed to be pretty abundant back in the 70's.

A couple of nights ago we had a pretty big storm. Then yesterday morning as I sat by the beautiful Lake Wheeler, I began to thank God that the storm had passed. It was gone. The sun was shining beautifully over the lake and the skies were blue. The storm was nowhere to be found. So, I sit here today, blogging about my thoughts as I sat there in the warm rays of the sun. It seems I always appreciate those rays of sunlight so much more after a big storm.

Storms are scary.
Storms are loud.
Storms are unpredictable.
Storms are powerful.
Storms get our attention.

Most of the time there's torrential rain, damaging hail, loud thunder, bright flashes of lightning, and howling wind. Scary stuff. Crazy stuff. Uncontrollable stuff.

So, we take cover. We take shelter. We decide where the closest, safest place is and we go there. We take our kids there. We go where the foundation is the most secure and the walls are most protected. We wait. We listen. We wait. We listen. We pray. We wait. We listen. We pray. Until the storm passes. And the storm does pass. It finally passes.

One of the only good things about a storm to me is that it always passes.

The storm passes and we decide to emerge. We step out and begin to assess the damage:
What has been broken?
What has been blown away?
What has been uprooted?
What has been removed?
What has been destroyed?
We have to determine these things before we can realize what needs to be fixed.

We call the home owner's insurance folks and they send an adjuster to evaluate the damage also. With that official assessment and proof of damage, a claim is filed. A claim to receive payment for all the stuff to be fixed.

Then they right a check. A check that can be cashed to pay for the repairs, the damage suffered, and replace everything that was destroyed, lost or blown away.

I've gone through many storms in this life. I would suppose you have too.

My girls always hated storms too when they were younger(well, they still don't like them). I could no doubt, guarantee that when the first bolt of lightening happened and at the first crack of thunder that followed during a storm, I would have two extra little people in bed with me. This happened many nights. I would hate when storms would come through on the nights when they were at their daddy's house. God spoke something very strongly to me one day after a storm had gone through the night before while they were with him. When they came home the next day, I was very eager to see how they had slept. When I asked them about it, they had no idea there had even been a storm! God got my attention in that moment and the Words He spoke to my heart that day was, "I got this, I got them, I can make them sleep through any storm." Those words were more than assuring to me during that time. I can't even try to contain my emotions almost ten years later as I think of them. See, I was in the middle of a huge storm called divorce at the time. My girls were sleeping in their daddy's home on almost half the nights without me. And I didn't like it. God showed me that day that they were His to take care of before they were ever mine. He showed me that He could keep them through the storm we were going through. He showed me was God and I was not.

I went through another storm when I lost one of the dearest persons on this earth to me to heaven. My heart and my life was turned upside down all over again. He was in heaven and I was not. I was not okay with that. Are we ever? It is hard. We miss them something fierce. We have to allow ourselves to mourn and grieve their loss.

Last week, yet another storm showed up. I found myself in a hospital going under anesthesia for the first time to have surgery removing polyps from my uterus. I don't know what was harder, the thought of being put to sleep or waiting to hear if the polyps were cancerous or not. I didn't like it at all. I didn't like anything about it. I am thankful to say they were not praise God. But, that was a pretty big storm for me. One I won't forget too soon. One that certainly had a purpose.

Storms of life definately come. They are unpredictable. They get our attention. We are tempted with that awful thing called fear. They make us go to that place of shelter where we get quiet, we get in His Word, we pray, we listen and we wait. We ask questions. We wonder when is this storm gonna be over? What kinda damage is this gonna do? Am I gonna survive this storm?

Storms come and storms pass.

Things get damaged. Things are lost. Hearts get broken. Dreams get shattered.

The good things is that we have an adjuster. Not just any adjuster, but a divine adjuster. When He comes to assess the damage with us, He comes with the payment in hand. To cover ALL the cost. To cover ALL the damage. To replace ALL the things that were lost. His name is Jesus Christ and the home owner's policy was secured over 2000 years ago and sealed with His own blood when He not only faced but came through the biggest perfect storm of all time. When we choose to follow Him and make Him our everything then He will make sure we survive every storm that will ever come our way.

He not only comes with payment in hand, but He also does all the repair work!!!! There is time that we must set aside for the Repairman to come do what He does best!
Ephesians 2:10 says, "For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them."

He is our great Repairman and we are His masterpiece. He will make us whole again. We are whole again when we are found in Him.

He doesn't just patch up the place either. No. Don't we know how hard it is to match old vinyl siding with new? Old shingles with new? He replaces the whole entire siding! He replaces the whole roof! We needed those old things replaced anyway! Some things get blown away that needed to get blown away! I needed that fear to be removed! I needed that doubt to be removed! I needed my shallow heart to be replaced with a deeper heart of trust. He refuses to put new wine in old wineskins because He knows we can't hold it. We will bust! He puts new wine in new wineskins. It all becomes new. One of my favorite verses is 2Cor 5:17, "What this means is that those who become Christians become new persons. They are not the same anymore, for the old life is gone. A new life has begun!" That's good stuff!

No doubt there are many storms of this life. They keep coming and they keep passing. They leave us damaged and they blow us away even at times. But, be encouraged to step out of that place you ran to taking cover when it all began. Step out and call on Jesus.  The premiums have all been fully paid. You and Him together can assess the damage, the loss and destruction. He can do the impossible. He can repair the irrepairable. That's His job. It's what He specializes in most.

Isaiah 53 says, "Yet, it was our weaknesses He carried; it was our sorrows that weighed Him down. And we thought His trouble (perfect storm) were a punishment from God for His own sins! But He was wounded and crushed for our sins. He was beaten that we might have peace. He was whipped, and we were healed!"

Isaiah 63:7-9, "I will tell of the Lord's unfailing love. I will praise the Lord for all He has done. I will rejoice in His great goodness to Israel, which He has granted according to His mercy and love. He said, 'They are my very own people. Surely they will not be false again.' And He became their Savior. In all their suffering He also suffered, and He personally rescued them. In His love and mercy, He redeemed them. He lifted them up and carried them through all the years(storms of life)."

Nothing is Wasted

Nothing is wasted...Not one thing...

I pray that's as good to you today as it to me.

I don't know what you may be facing, going through, just went through or about to go through, but I do know that I've been reminded today that none of it is wasted, and I just wanted to pass along the good news.

We are certain to face many things in this life. Things that can be good and things that can be bad. I'm thankful that we can praise God in the good things and because nothing is wasted, I'm thankful that we can make a sacrifice of praise even in the bad things. I could make a list of all the possible bad things we can experience, have already experienced or may be going to experience in this life, but I don't feel it necessary. We can all stop for a few moments and think of those things. Those things that catch us unaware, unprepared.  Those things that punch the breath out of us and leave us gasping for air. Those things that hurt so bad we think we won't survive. Those things that paralyze us and try to stop us from moving forward. Those things that hurt. Those things we have to work through. All kinds of things. Those things...

Those are the things that today we should stop and for a moment be thankful for. Those are the things that we can remind ourselves today that our great, sovereign God has promises for us about. We can begin to breathe again. We can have hope again. We can walk in peace again. We can even experience joy again because of those promises.

Promises like the one in Romans that says He will work all things for our good and for His glory. Or the one over in Thessalonians that tells us to always be joyful, to keep on praying, no matter what happens for this is God's will for us in Christ Jesus. Then there's another one when Peter assures us that the grace of God is with us no matter what happens. 

We can say just like the Psalmist says in chapter 66, our lives are in his hands, and he keeps our feet from stumbling. You have tested us, Oh God; you have purified us like silver melted in a crucible.

When the silversmith is working, he has to get the silver really hot, he has to stir the pot and allow the impurities to come to the top. Then he has to scrape off the impurities that surface. He has to do this over and over. Heating, stirring and scraping. Heating, stirring and scraping. Until something happens. Until he can see his reflection in the silver. Until he can see his face when he looks at the silver. Take a moment and relate that to our lives. We as the silver and our God as the Silversmith. Those things in this life as the heat.

Whatever we have gone through, are going through, or will ever go through; we can believe that our Silversmith is at work. His divine hand is stiring us as the crucible is heated up. We are melted and our impurities come to the surface. The Silversmith gently and carefully removes them....This happens over and over, and I believe he too begins to see his reflection. He begins to see himself when he looks at us.

What an overwhelming thought for me right now, because that's what I want more than anything while I'm here in this life. I want my God to see His reflection in me and I want others who don't know him to see his reflection and have to ask the question, "what is that I see?" I believe you want that too. That's when you and I can share how good our God is. We can begin to share how we could've never made it through the hard things without him. The ever more awesome thing is that if we are in Christ Jesus, that is who will be seen. As we live and find our hope and peace in Him, we can rest knowing that he has us. He's got it. We are in Him and He is in us.

Yes, the crucible gets hot and the scraping may not be pleasant. The process may even be painful at times. But, is it worth it. I believe so. I believe my God is a good God and I do believe that nothing is wasted. Everything is used either in making the silver hotter, bringing the impurities to the top, or in scraping them off the surface. Nothing is wasted. Not a brokenheart goes unbinded. Not a tear falls without being caught in a bowl. Not a cry is sounded without it reaching the ears of our loving God. I'll never understand it, but he, our amazing Silversmith, doesn't miss a thing.

Isaiah 43:1-3 says, "Do not be afraid, for I have ransomed you," says the LORD. "I have called you by name; you are mine. When you go through deep waters and great trouble, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown! When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you...."


As you listen to this song, be reminded of those hard things and choose to trust that God is at work. He is good. He sees his reflection in his Son as we we are found in him. His love for us is beyond anything we can ever imagine.

Nothing is Wasted by Elevation Worship Band

In the Midst of it All

Somedays I wake up and think...

If I could, I would move me and my girls to a secluded island. 

A simplified lifestyle. 

Uninterrupted time with my God and my girls. 

I would escape this to do list, this work schedule, these bills I'm paying...

I would simply escape...

Anybody else reading ever have those days? 

Yesterday was one of those days. Nothing major bad was going on...I was just tired of being in this world. I wanted to have a clear view of my God sitting on my back porch, but there were trees (literal and emotional) in the way. I wanted to be somewhere else, but I wasn't. Yes, I am thankful, very thankful for my back porch and the trees that surround it, but yesterday I just wanted to be somewhere else. Somewhere there were no trees (literal and emotional) obscuring my view. Where nothing was on my agenda other than sitting, gazing at a clear blue sky and chilling with my God. 

As I sat there, I began to think of a mother in Honduras who lost her baby at 5 and 1/2 months. She had began to have complications and began to miscarry when she made it to the remote community clinic where we were. There was nothing we could do to stop the process and sending her to a hospital nearly two hours away by dirt road was our only option. We later learned the baby had not survived. Then there is another mother I worked with this week who recently went into labor at 6months, gave birth to a 1 and 1/2 pound baby boy who is at Duke and "doing well". Stuff like that messes with me. It does. I'm just being real. I began to cry and mourn for a mother I may never see again. I also began to thank God for the baby boy at Duke and the plans He has for his precious life. Different places, different lives, different worlds...

After a little while in His Word and trying to pray through some "thoughts/questions"

I had reminded myself I had a list of things to do, so I got busy doing them...

Straigten up the house-check

Surprise Abby at lunch with coke and donut holes-check

Get package in the mail-check

Get anniversary card-check

Get pliars for plumbing job-check

Go to Lake Benson(one of my favs) for some me and God time...check NOT!...uggh! There were people there, kids playing and splashing in the water, how dare they be at my spot! When I want to be there! alone with my God! 

Frustrated I left, went through the car wash, headed to Lowe's to get a drainpipe for the downspout (which I destroyed, melted, burnt up...when I unknowingly built my firepit over it over a year ago)

Pick up the kids-check

Come home, do a little plumbing, get the downspout in place...-check

.....I think that's enough....the day was full to say the least....

Then this morning I get up and what words do I read? A devo that I read on most days, Jesus Calling...but I decided to read yesterday's since I had skipped it...

"I am calling you to a life of constant communion with me...learning to live above your circumstances...your cluttered plane of life...you yearn for a simplified lifestyle, uninterrupted...BUT...I challenge you to relenquish the fantasy of an uncluttered world. Accept each day just as it comes, and find Me in the midst of it all. Talk with me...your ultimate goal is not to fix everything around you, it is to keep communing with Me...."

Wow!!! I just have to say, WOW! I love my God, I love His Word. I love how He speaks directly to me, my feelings, my thoughts...my heart.

In the midst of it all...In the midst of it ALL...IN THE MIDST OF IT ALL...

He is good. He is here. He is with me. 

I can have constant communion with my Constant Companion no matter what I'm doing. I can live above my circumstances. I can love those He sends my way in the midst of this cluttered world. That's the way He planned it. That's His ways, not my ways. He put us here in the midst of it all to shine His light. To show His grace. To love. No matter what. 

Because of Christ. Because of what He has done for me. Because of the choices He made while He was in this cluttered world. Because He made a decision in the garden that day, "Father, if you are willing, please take this cup of suffering away from me. Yet I want your will, not mine." Because Jesus wanted His Father's ways more. Because He went through with the plan...

Because as Jesus talked to His disciples one final time before going to the cross, He spoke these words in Luke 16:33, "I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world."

There are some days (like yesterday for me) when we simply try to put things in order, in our head, in our mind, in our own ways... We try to make sense of it all, we try to fix all the clutter. We get overwhelmed and we want to escape to an island somewhere...underneath some palm trees somewhere. On most days that's not an option...Those are the days when we have a choice to make...I believe the only good choice is to trust His ways are not our ways; and His thoughts are way higher than our thoughts. We choose to believe He has a good plan. We may not understand it fully, but we choose His peace over our understanding. Days like those we have to keep our eyes open and ears in tune to His Holy Spirit to be ready for whatever He has planned IN THE MIDST OF IT ALL. We have to let go of our fantasy world and let God do what He wants, show up in whatever way He chooses. Easter is a celebration of that. Jesus has overcome the world. He has! Jesus has overcome the world, and if we are in Jesus then we can overcome the world. We can live above our circumstances. Even when we wake up and don't feel so much as even wanting be where we are or do what we gotta do that day, we can overcome and walk in His peace. We can show love IN THE MIDST OF IT ALL because we can know that there is more to this life that what we see or know. When we experience trials and sorrows we can take heart...because Jesus has overcome all of that. We can hold on. We can trust in Him. We can trust His peace that goes beyond our understanding IN THE MIDST OF IT ALL.

May you worship our Redeemer as you listen to one of my favorite songs:

My Redeemer Lives:Nicole C Mullen

Not just this Easter Sunday, but every day, may we celebrate the greatest event in all of history...

The resurrection of Jesus Christ, our Savior, our great Redeemer! 

Between a Rock and a Hard Place

Life doesn't always happen in the lush green valleys.
Sometimes you have to climb mountains.
Sometimes there's steep hills.
Sometimes there's rough terrain ahead.
Sometimes it's dangerous.
Sometimes it's windy.
Sometimes it's unpredictable.
Sometimes it's stormy.
Sometimes it's scary.
Sometimes there's a climb, a long, uphill, exhausting climb...
Sometimes we can't help but ask ourselves and our God...
When will I get to the top of this mountain?
When will I get past the steep hills?
When is the walk gonna get easier?
When is the wind gonna calm down?
When is the storm gonna pass?
When can I find rest and peace?

Trees are amazing to me. They fascinate me. I think they are some of God's greatest creations. My God speaks to me through...
You guessed it: Trees!
Some live in the valley, by the still waters of a creek.
Some live beside the still blue waters of a magestic bay.
Some live beside the raging waves of a mighty ocean.
And some, yet some, live on the rocky mountain tops.

Take another look at the tree in this picture above.... What do you see?
A tree. On top of a mountain. Between two boulders. Soaking in the sun. Withstanding the wind. Surviving the storms. Planted securely. Surviving. Thriving. Living.

This tree never chose where it's seed would land. Never decided where it would take root. Never had the choice between the valley and the mountain top. It just began to grow where it landed. It just began to take root in the little bit of soil it could find. It began to grow stronger with every gust of wind. It began to enjoy the bright unhindered sunshine on certain days and the torrential rain on it's branches on other days. It just began to grow...
It just began to grow between a rock and a hard place. With little soil. With lots of wind. With lots of rain. With plenty of sunshine.

To all who mourn in Israel, he will give beauty for ashes, joy instead of mourning, praise instead of despair. For the Lord has planted them like strong and graceful oaks for his own glory.     Isaiah 61:3

A few weeks ago I shared about beauty for ashes...I love that God is the God who gives us beauty for our ashes, he fertilizes the ground even, with those ashes...
I love that he is able to give us joy instead of mourning when we turn our eyes on his goodness and provision.
I love that he gives us praise instead of despair and that so often that praise is the key to his peace in our lives. The peace we need in the middle of our storms.

I love even more that he doesn't stop there, but our God goes on further to plant you and me. To place us in good soil, enough soil to grow and to become strong. To provide the rain we need to survive. To be graceful to those near us in the process. To survive the winds. To make our roots grow deeper. To strengthen our branches with every new storm. To enjoy the sun so much more when the light breaks through the dark clouds. To enjoy it's warmth. To enjoy it's stillness. To enjoy peace in the presence of the sun beaming down on us.

FOR HIS OWN GLORY...

He plants us so that we can continue to bear fruit for His Glory, For His Kingdom. There is a purpose!!! Praise God! He is able, in His great sovereignty, to bring life out of the hard places. To make us grow even in those places. The steep hills have purpose. The long climbs have purpose. The wind has purpose. The rain has purpose. The storms have purpose. The sun has purpose.

I have been through storms, I'm certain there are more storms ahead. I have seen and experienced his great light from The Son. I've learned that eventhough there may be clouds that obscure my view at times, The Son is still there. He never leaves nor forsakes me to stand alone. He is what causes the silver lining to every cloud that comes.

Storms of life can be hard, down right tough and life altering. The winds can be very scary and move things around like nothing else. The earth can shake beneath our feet. Our roots can be uprooted and planted in a different spot.

I went to New York City several years ago and the most amazing thing I saw in that huge city was a tree. Yes, a tree. This was not just any tree. It was a tree that stood at the base of the twin towers when they were destroyed. A tree now known as the "Survivor Tree". The "Survivor Tree". I was overwhelmed and brought to tears as I stood there looking at that tree. See, I had a lot of things in common with that tree that day. I believe you do too. I had seen a lot of destruction around me. Things that once stood tall and proud no longer existed. The ground all around had shook. There was debris flying and a whole lot of devistation, hurt and loss. But that tree was still standing. I was still standing. You are still standing. The One who had created that tree, had sustained that tree. My Creator had been and would continue to sustain me, be my sole provider and hold my branches up until they became strong again. It's still a mystery to many who walk by the "Survivor Tree" as to how it survived. But, I believe I can say without a doubt, it was through Divine intervention. It was divinely kept and replanted so that everyone who sees it can know there is hope in the midst of destruction. It survives and thrives as proof to us that we can do the same.

May you be encouraged today that wherever your seed has found itself, God is able to nourish it and make it grow. He is able to strengthen and uphold your branches to weather any storm. You will, by His Spirit, show grace to those around you. His Son will shine bright and will give you warmth and peace in His presence. He is a good God. I declare over your life today: there will be beauty instead of ashes, there will be joy instead of mourning, there will be praise instead of despair because God has planted you for HIS OWN GLORY. You will produce fruit and it will be good. You too are a survivor tree!

Bearing beautiful fruit!!!

www.911memorial.org/survivor-tree