When Life is Puzzling...

This weekend my girls and I have been "snowed in"... I must admit I have enjoyed every minute of it! We have been able to do things we normally don't get to do. Like play dominoes. Like eat every meal at home. Like talk about the first chapter of a book we are reading as a family. Like sledding. Like watch TV. Like put together a puzzle...It has been great. Really great.

And so about that "puzzle time". I have to be "in the mood" for a puzzle. I have to be up to the challenge. And for you puzzle enthusiasts, don't get crazy- this was only a 60 piecer! I like to be able to take it out of the box, spread the pieces out and put it back together as soon as possible; therefore, I purchased a 60 piecer. And The Bible tells us to be faithful with the small, right?

After we completed the task of putting this puzzle together, we each had a sense of accomplishment. We were able to see the finished product, the beautiful picture that all the pieces together had made.

Since that moment, I've been thinking how life can be kinda puzzling at times. I thought back through the process of putting that puzzle together and here are some of my thoughts and conclusions.

The puzzle had a designer, a creator. This is the person who knew what the finished product would be and created that. This person was in charge of making the entire picture, then had to cut it into small pieces so that it would fit into the box, hence it becoming a puzzle.

I realized putting together the outter edges of the puzzle was the easiest part. Those pieces just kinda fell into place simply because of the way they were made, having the same straight edge.

Other pieces were a little more difficult to find where they belonged. I would search based on whether the outer edges matched up or not, sometimes that worked. Sometimes I would just try to put the piece into every open piece of the outer edge just to see if it would fit, kind of putting it together half-hazardly. But, when all else failed and I still couldn't figure out where it fit, I would pick up the box. I would look at the completed picture pasted to it and then I would be able to see where the piece fit in. Over and over we used one of these strategies, until the puzzle was put together. The picture was completed in its fullness and it was beautiful just like the picture on the outside of the box.

So how does this relate to you and me and this puzzle we call life?

You and I also have a Master Designer, a Creator. Standing outside of time, God, the One who thought of it all, looked into time and created beautiful ones to fulfill His purpose, His plan, to bring His heavenly Kingdom to this earthly place He desired to live in. He saw the entire picture, whole and completed and created that. With every thought, there was a new creation, a new creature. That would be me. That would be you.

Then we also had to enter this earth in a kind of box, if you will, that we call a baby, a newborn, a precious little one. A brand new life, a baby who just likes to cry and eat and poop. Really, that's all we know how to do at the time so who can blame us for just crying and eating and pooping?

But then we grow. The box gets opened and the pieces get scattered onto the table we call lifespan. We keep growing. The outer pieces of our puzzle start falling into place, little by little. The outer shell of the picture comes into sight.

Then, at some point we begin to realize there's a whole bunch of things inside of us that may still be a little scattered. There's something in us that begins to wonder how all the pieces we see fit together.

And then we realize that Our Master Designer put a piece in us that causes us to desire Him, His plan for the whole picture, His purposes. We either choose to put that piece where it belongs and choose to recognize Him as our Creator, our Master Designer, or we choose to ignore that most important piece and go on with trying to put the scattered pieces in their places ourselves, in our strength, with our own plans. When we choose the former, we trust the One who sees and knows the complete picture. When we choose the latter, we sadly begin to create a picture that we ourselves think is best, what we would call beautiful.

What I've come to trust and believe is that our Master Designer is good. He is a good, good God. And you and I are loved by Him. He is a really great Creator and His Designs are flawless in His hands when we allow Him to carefully place each piece of our puzzled where they belong. But too often we try to pick up the pieces ourselves and we panic when we can't find where they belong. We have to sometimes daily, moment by moment even, remind ourselves that when we trust our Creator to put the pieces together that He isn't just half-hazardly checking to see where our gifts and talents, our desires, our life events and circumstances even, fit into this earthly existence; but He is looking at the entire picture. He is looking at His completed work, His plan and purpose fulfilled. He is still thinking that thought from the beginning of time and sees it in its fullness. He knows exactly where every piece fits into His beautiful creation.

I talk about this today and I don't know what your puzzle may look like. I don't know what pieces may have already beautifully found their places, giving you a small glimpse of who you are in His eyes. And I don't know the piece you may be holding up to heaven, looking at all the edges trying to figure out where it might fit in, or even questioning whether it was supposed to be a part of your puzzle or not. I simply sit here with the hope that we will lay the piece down and stop trying to figure its place out for ourselves thus putting our soul into a state of panic. We will choose to trust Him and to wait on Him and believe that He will make it all fit together. To know that He is looking at His beautiful masterpiece, even when we see scattered pieces of a big puzzle. And to believe that He is making all things beautiful in its time.

Choose to trust Him. Choose to know Him. Choose to believe Him and His infinite plan. Choose to lay that piece down that brings confusion, lay down that piece that came out of nowhere. Lay down that piece you want to throw away into the abyss. Lay down the piece you don't even like to hold onto. Lay it down. Just lay it down. Because when you do; when I do; the Master Designer can pick it up. He can put it in its place. He can make it fit into the beautiful picture He saw before time began, the beautiful thought that was on His mind when He created you. When He created me. That is my prayer and hope for you and me today.

Trusting in the Master Designer, My Creator, the Great Puzzle Solver,
Lenee

2016...A Time For Everything...

Words I read the first morning of  2016 were from Ecclesiastes 3... As I went to pick up my Bible that morning, I just thought, Ecclesiastes 3, so I turned there and began to read...

"There is a time for everything, a season for every activity under heaven.
A time to be born and a time to die.
A time to plant and a time to harvest.
A time to kill and a time to heal.
A time to tear down and a time to rebuild.
A time to cry and a time to laugh.
A time to grieve and a time to dance.
A time to scatter stones and a time to gather stones.
A time to embrace and a time to turn away.
A time to search and a time to lose.
A time to keep and a time to throw away.
A time to tear and a time to mend.
A time to be quiet and a time to speak up.
A time to love and a time to hate.
A time for war and a time for peace.
What do people really get for all their hard work? I have thought about this in connection with the various kinds of work God has given people to do. God has made everything beautiful for its own time. He has planted eternity in the human heart, but even so, people cannot see the whole scope of God's work from beginning to end....
And I know that whatever God does is final. Nothing can be added to it or taken from it. God's purpose in this is that people should fear him."
Ecclesiastes 3:1-11&14

I've thought of these verses for several days now...wondered how to settle them in my heart for 2016...there's a few things that stuck out to me...

1. There is time and there are seasons. Time spans and seasons change. I want to be able to recognize God's time and when he changes my season...Walk in grace through those season changes and be able to, by His Spirit, let go of the old season and embrace the new one with peace, joy and excitement. That can be kinda hard when I'm uncertain of the season.

2. With that said, I must choose to trust my God. I need to trust him to make everything beautiful for its own time. No matter what it may look like today or tomorrow or the next, continue to stand on his promise to make it beautiful for my good and ultimately for his glory.

3. I, no matter how hard I try, nor how bad I desire it, cannot and will not ever see on this side of heaven the whole scope of God's work from beginning to end. But, I know he does. He sees it. He knows. He holds it. Every bit of it. And he is good. He is good at his job and his work can be trusted.

4. His work was finished in the resurrection of my Jesus, my Redeemer. I can never add to it nor take away from it. "It is finished," were the words uttered by my Savior when he died on that cross and he totally meant those words with everything in him. He requires nothing from me, but belief in him and his work completed on the cross that day. It is by his complete and total work that I am saved and I come to him empty handed, and he fills my empty hands with everything good.

5. I am to fear my good God. I should not get confused with the spirit of fear and the spirit of overwhelming awe, respect, glory and reverance due my eternal God. I should not take his goodness and his choosing to have a personal relationship with me lightly nor pretend for one second that I ever did anything to deserve his presence, his audience and our relationship. I will continue to stand in awe and wonder of how he knows me best, yet loves me most.

Those are just a few of my thoughts and I'm hoping you have a few of your own. Conclusions to settle in your heart and challenges to pursue for the new year we have begun...

2016...there's a lot of things I don't know about you...there's a lot of things I'd like to ask of you...you will be a span of time and seasons of change...and my good God will take me through it all...I don't know much about you right now so I'll just choose to trust the One who does...I choose to believe no matter what you hold and no matter what time I find myself in nor what season is upon me there will be sweet fruit. There will be peace beyond understanding and my paths will be made straight...

Be blessed in the time and seasons set before us - 2016 - He sees it all,
Lenee

Looking Through Scratched Up Lenses

Scratched up lenses!

Scratched up sunglasses!

I can't stand them! I know I should be and I really am thankful for sunglasses period...but when they get scratched it just gets on my last nerve!! And why is it that when that one first scratch appears it's right in the place where my eyeball lines up to the lense?!!! So aggravating!

I just got a new pair of sunglasses a few months ago...they were free!!! I think that's why I love them so much...Well and maybe because they are neon blue and green and have Geico written on the side AND a little gecko on the right corner of the lense. Yes, I may be crazy but they are mine and I got them free at the NC fair this year for singing karaoke with my girls... Yep, best part of the fair for me this year... we all three got a pair and if you didn't make it to the Geico truck you totally missed out!!!

But you know the best part about these shades? They are totally scratch free!!! So far, so good!! I'm doing my best to keep them that way. I love a great challenge...and believe me, keeping my glasses, whether they be these new readers I just recently began wearing or my little blue "Geico's", it's a great challenge!!

While I was in Kenya a couple months ago, I was sitting by the animal's watering hole wearing my awesome "Geico's" and began to think...I began to talk to God and I felt him begin to talk to me about seeing through scratched up lenses...Well, that was when it hit me...I realized that morning that I loved my "Geico's" so much because they were totally scratchless. I began to think how we so often keep wearing and looking through glasses that have become dirty and scratched, totally messing up the way we see things...keeping us from seeing things clearly...our vision is distorted and skewed.

Then I began to think about how sometimes we do that when we're not even wearing glasses..The "lenses of our lives" become scratched up and dirty over the years...Life somehow will throw stuff at us, unavoidable stuff, that scratches our shades...mud gets slung sometimes and some of it gets stuck to our lenses...We continue through life seeing things different, with our vision distorted, skewed, possibly blurred even. It happens. It happened to me and it's probably happened to you at some point or another...

Divorce caused a few big scratches on my so called lenses of life...distrust, fear of betrayal, bitterness, anger...
My own bad choices that later resulted from the previous scratches caused even more scratches to my lenses of life...shame, even more fear and distrust-of my own self, pain, even more anger...

I guess maybe you have some of your own...some similar...some different...loss of a loved one, loss of a job, drug addiction, etc...

So what do we do with the old shades? The old scratched up lenses??

I like to think that my God is the best lasik surgeon ever!!!! And he has unlimited free brand new sunglasses and we don't even have to sing karaoke to earn them!! How good is that?!

I had lasik surgery about 13 years ago... Coolest thing ever! No really, I sat down in the chair and 15minutes later I looked up at the clock on the wall across the room and could see perfectly what time it was! I was shocked! I mean, I had faith that the procedure was a good one, but I had no idea just how good it was. Isn't that like God sometime? We trust the procedure of him fixing our lives, but we just don't realize how good it is until we see clearly again.

So, I guess today and during this Christmas and New Year season, take time to allow God to do what he does best. Sit down in the chair and let him do the delicate surgery of fixing the way we see. I wish I could say it would be done in 15minutes, but I'm thinking it will be something he does carefully and slowly as to bring total clarity to our lives little by little. Take the shades off that may have become scratched up through the things of this life and let him give us a new pair. He will help us to stop judging others and this world  based upon our experiences and begin to see others and the things of this world through his lenses. Take his truth and paste it across our eyes and let everything we see pass through it first. Little by little, I believe we can see more clearly and judge less severely...

As we do this great exchange, give him our scratched up lenses and let him change the way we see, I pray he will be seen in us. Because we begin seeing through his lenses of grace and mercy we help others in the great exchange also. And one day, one day, instead of looking through a glass darkly we will see clearly and we will see him face to face, eye to eye... oh what a day that will be...when my Jesus I will see, and I look upon his face, the one who saved me by his grace...what a day that will be!

Because of Jesus,
Lenee

 

The day I found myself stuck in the mud...

So a little over a month ago I found myself stuck in the mud...no, really, stuck in the mud. Literally, stuck in the mud. The deep, black, thick mud of the Segera in Kenya.

It was a Monday morning and our medical mission team headed off to clinic in our bus we had named "the big green monster". The skies were so beautiful and blue. Earlier that morning I had watched the sun rise next to the peak of Mt Kenya. Stunning no doubt. Yes, I think I was the only one watching the greatest show on earth that morning. God was reiterating what I felt him saying the morning before, "You're not telling your story." I was reiterating my previous response, "I know God, you gotta help me with that. You know I don't like my story."

So, as we drove along the still muddy road from the torential rain that probably lasted only an hour or so the day before, wiping out our Sunday afternoon crusade, I said yes to God and began to share my story to the one whom I had sat beside on the back of the bus. I like the back of the bus. I always head to the back of the bus. And she just happened to be the one who decided to sit back there too that day. So, after putting up a bit of a fight in my head and heart, I stepped out and began to share my story. As I was finishing up, all of a sudden we hit a bump, a big hole... a something! I flew to the ceiling and hit my head(a week later I realized I had cut my head that morning when I thought I had a worm exiting my scalp to find it was only as scab-whew! praise God for that- the thoughts you have after some mission trips!) and landed back in my seat! Man that hurt! That was the beginning of my journey through the mud. Well, not really, just the beginning of the mud of Kenya...My mud journey had been going on for quite a while...

Once I realized we were not moving and our driver was punching the gas as good as he could with no avail, I began to think what we gonna do now? We were all asked to move to the left side of the bus when we realized the back tires on that side weren't getting much traction. That didn't work. I was at that point ready to get off and get this big green monster out of the mud. Grabbing someone else's rain boots (because mine were only ankle high) I made my way off the bus with others and began doing anything I could think of to get us out of that mess...

I began chopping down thorny bushes with a machete. Like two inch long thorny thorns. Frustration flying through every whack of that machete. We were sticking those under the tires. Then we began picking up rocks. There were not hardly any rocks!! Man what great rockless soil we discovered in the Segera that day! But what rocks we did find we put them under the tires also. And we pushed. And we pushed. And we pushed...And I fell over in the mud at some point. Yep. Now I pretty much had mud all over me. So then I began to wash myself off in the mud puddle nearby. Man, what a sight I'm sure that had to have been. But we kept on, or I kept on and encouraged, or told :(, everyone to keep on. But we kept on pushing and pushing and pushing trying to free the big green monster to no success. Sorry ladies that kept on telling all of us to keep pushing! Really, I'm sorry! I've been told I can be bossy sometimes. Guess it's true and I apologize! The green monster wasn't going anywhere!!! I was mad. I was frustrated. I was exhausted and I was spent!!! My everything had been given to freeing that monster and it wasn't enough. Did I say I was mad?

After a few more minutes we took a break and walked away. As was wondering around trying to think of another strategy, I made my way back towards the monster where Maria (our team leader and my roomie-probably the one who knows me best in the group) was looking at the issue we had on our hands. By now, an hour and a half later or more had passed and I was getting madder(is that even a word?) by the moment! And these words came out of my mouth, "I didn't come to Kenya to get stuck in the mud!" And then the tears began and I just started walking away. And walking. And crying. And walking. And crying. The team probably thought I had decided to just walk to the clinic! But me and God took a walk that day. And I finally looked to the blue skies and had my moment of surrender. I did it. I took out my white flag and waved it. And I cried and I talked to God and he talked to me. "I can't do this God! What is it?! What do you want from me? Physically I'm spent! My back is in so much pain right now! Our first day of clinic on Saturday was pure awful! Worst ever had in doing this mission stuff. I don't even know what was wrong. And now we're headed to another day of clinic, now three hours late!!! I give you everything I've got because obviously it's not my strength nor my ideas that you want or need! You and I both know the lies the enemy has been whispering in my ear...you're too old for this, you're not gonna be able to keep doing this stuff, your glory days are over, give it up, walk away...  God you know I don't want to believe his lies. You know I love this stuff! You know I want to keep on but God you gotta help me. It's gotta be your strength from now on. It's gotta be. I surrender. I surrender all. All my stubborness, all my self-sufficient ideas, all my pain, all my frustrations, all my anger. Everything. It's yours. I give it to you. If I'm gonna keep doing this, it's gotta be you. I'm done. I'm done!"

His words I felt him say went something like this, 'In your weakness, I am strong. I love you. I have always loved you and I always will. My love is not based on your performance. Let me be your strength. Let me be your everything. In me you can do all things. We are not done here and I will be with you wherever I send you and I will be your help. I will be your strength. I will be your everything. Will you let me?'

I said yes that day. Yes to my God in a way like I'm not sure I've ever said it before. There have been many days since that day I've had to say yes again, and remind myself of that big yes I made that day, then say it again. I wish walking with God was one big yes and we're good, but for some reason the enemy keeps attacking, and my flesh keeps wanting to be the strong one and I have to continually remind myself, "in my weakness, he is strong... yes God, yes" It's so hard for me to come to grips with the reality of my weaknesses, but I really believe he is allowing my weakness to be revealed so his strength can be revealed too. I just have to keep answering, "yes".

So, back to the big green monster stuck in the mud... Well, you're not gonna believe this but when I finally made my way back to the team, they were treating two really sick babies. Yep. Two different moms from two different areas were making their way to the "hospital" with their babies and we happened to be stuck right in their paths. Needless to say, I was very quiet in the moments to follow. When Maria looked up with her lively Puerto Rican red lipstick smile (yes even in the Segera! don't ever take red lipstick away from a Puerto Rican woman) and said, "Look! I just sewed this little babies foot up!", "Of course you did," was my simple response as I looked at the sweet little foot wrapped in gauze... I continued to observe the situation at hand...another baby getting a shot who had already received a breathing treatment from a nebulizer that wouldn't normally had even been on the bus that day. Actually none of the supplies were supposed to be there! All the supplies we needed were there only because Andrea (head triage nurse) decided that at the end of clinic the day before to bring the triage bag back to her room to "organize it"... don't tell me my God isn't awesome and doesn't work in ways we cannot see nor understand! He has a plan. He always has a plan! And it's always good and for his glory!!

For the next few moments, I just stood in awe at what God was doing and what our team members were doing... all I could think was 'I surrender all God, I really do.'

As the team was finishing up their care of those sweet God sent babies and telling the moms goodbye as the moms strapped them on their backs for the journey home, I kid you not another big truck came up and hooked up to our big green monster and began to tug and pull and tug and pull and out of the mud came our big green monster!!! Yes, right on time...God's time that is!! His timing is perfect. His ways are good. And by then I had surrendered all....

I learned so many lessons on that day, on that trip... this will probably later become "stuck in the mud part 1" when I'm able to share part 2 :).  Our team was amazing. Our driver, Joseph, was amazing. Our Maggie and our Kate (Kenyan leaders) were amazing, Our God was amazing. It was an amazing day that day...

As we began to make our way back to the big green, now freed, monster, we circled up and prayed. We gave God thanks for many things in that moment. All I could say was, "I surrender all, God. You let me get out here in the middle of nowhere, stuck in the mud so I could see you today. I'm so thankful that your ways are higher than my ways, I surrender it all to you God."

We made our way onto the bus and headed to clinic... which was a wooden church. Dirt, grassy, roots everywhere on the ground church... where we walked in with God and served those beautiful people who had been waiting all morning long. I have no idea to this day how we did it. Well, I do know.... I know he did it!!! We were able to serve about a hundred more people than we did the first day (that really bad day I mentioned earlier) and we did it with grace, joy and peace...the atmosphere was different and it just flowed. It just got done...not in our strength, but in our weakness he became our strength and we got it done. The people of the Segera were not the ones blessed that day. I was the one so richly blessed, each person on our team was blessed.

I bless the God whom I serve and who allows me to serve him this day, because he is simply a good God, a really good God and he let a little ole nobody like me see his face that day on that muddy road in the Segera...

just journaling...

11/28/2015
I just want to be home today.
I do. I'm a little or a lot homesick for my family today.
Why did I stay here 10 years ago when I could've packed it all up and moved back home? For my girls. I did it for my girls. I didn't want them to be fatherless. I didn't want them to grow up not knowing their daddy. So I stayed. I kept them here within 10 miles of their daddy. I realize his presence and having a relationship with him was more important than my comfort zone.
So today I'm homesick for my mama who's trimming shrubs at a lady's house back home who's husband has been diagnosed with cancer.
I wish I could see pregnant Hannah and touch her belly holding that baby inside.
I wish I could hug my brother who's probably in the back yard tinkering .
I would sit with my daddy and watch some TV. probably antique roadshow.
I'd ride down to mama D's and visit with her a while and pick up my care package.
I'd go over to my sissy's and just walk around her beautiful homeplace and probably sit on the deck over the pond and breathe deeply for a while. share a few moments with her...
I'd go see Kar-Kar!!! She's the bomb!! She's so much like Abby when she was a baby. So full of energy and totally entertaining!!! Such an awesome personality.
I'd just tell Corbin she's a beautiful mama and give Court Court a hug and tell her she's just simply beautiful too and Bug better know by now that she's to be treated like a queen and if not, then well...
I'd go to the Bowman cemetery and watch a little bumble bee spin its wings over Bigmama's grave and remind myself of what an awesome legacy I have to be thankful for. Thank God once again for the 94 years and 11months she lived here... the awesome strength and also awesome dependence on Him she always showed me. God, I just miss a lot of stuff today!
I would walk over to Popeye's and stand there looking at the gravel and remind myself what an awesome man and second dad he was to me. This Thanksgiving day he would've been 73! Man, I miss him like crazy...the talks, the advice, the simple love...I miss it all! I'd be sure the John Deer tractor was still there and if it wasn't I'd go to the Dollar General and get another one...
I'd drop by my brother Scott's and check out all his Christmas decorations I've heard he's already got out and I'm sure it looks fabulous.
And I'd just be home. Where today my heart is. I'd just enjoy being with my family and hearing their loudness and being in the midst of the crazy for a while.
Hug my family for me today God, I'm a little homesick...

A Day of thanks...

Today we Americans celebrate Thanksgiving...the coming together of pilgrims looking for religious freedom and native americans already living in the land of the free...

I am thankful... I am thankful for the things we so often never as Americans give a second thought to. I haven't always been thankful for these things I'm about to mention, but if life has taught me anything it has taught me above all else, be thankful...

I had nothing to do with the fact that I was born here with the many blessings I sit here enjoying today. It's called grace=unmerited favor.

I saw a picture this morning that reminded me of love that gives sacrificially...I can hear the one boy saying to the other even now, "I'll wear the left one, you wear the right one, that way we each have at least one and together we will always make a pair."

My goodness, if that isn't love! When I say those words, "if that isn't love", I'm reminded of my favorite hymn we sang as a choir in that baptist church growing up by that title. It talks about how Jesus left the splendor of heaven knowing his destiny was the lonely hill of Golgotha, there to lay down his life for me...If that isn't love, the ocean is dry, if that isn't love, there's no stars in the sky... I still love that song! If you know it, you'll now be humming it all day thanks to me ;-)... if you don't google it!

You and I may have never had to share a pair of shoes and probably never will, but we can be thankful, so thankful for love like that and first and foremost for a savior who really did leave an amazing place called heaven where I believe the streets really are paved with gold, or something even better we've never seen, and he really did lay his life down for me and you to live a beautiful life of purpose. I believe he really did get up out of that grave on the third day so that me and you could get up out of any death causing thing of this life.

So today, I'm most thankful for Jesus my Redeemer, the one who gave me a second chance and third chance and... you get the point, but he gave me the opportunity to live again. He's so good!

I'm thankful for two amazing, beautiful-inside and outside- daughters...
I'm thankful for a family who loves and supports me and each other. We're tight and that's the way I like it...
I'm thankful for the sun that shines down on my deck today...it's almost 60 already!!
I'm thankful for Wal-mart who has employed me for 18 years on Dec 1! and so thankful for a very understanding manager when it comes to this single mom shared custody scheduling stuff!!!
I'm thankful for a toilet...that flushes, that gets dirty and gets clogged, but most of the time it flushes...so thankful!
I'm thankful for a bed, a warm cozy bed and Elizabeth's stuffed animal bear that she left behind for me to snuggle with over the next few days.
I'm thankful for a home, a washer and dryer, a dishwasher even, running water-good drinkable running water...
Food, Stop Hunger Now who gives food to those without, greenhouses behind the school in the Segera that provide food and funding for the teachers there. Electricity, lights I can cut on and cut off...heat when it's cold and ac when it's hot...
Coffee...Coffee...Coffee!!!! God bless the coffee farmers all over the world! I love the fruit of you labor!
Firepits, fireplaces, bondfires, campfires...I love the look, smell and sound of a good fire.
A car...
My healing...my healing that has taken place and is taking place...
Shoes on my feet, both my feet...
I really could sit here all day. I'm sure you could too. We are blessed. We are both so very blessed not just for the material things we have been given, but also for the eternal things. The things we can't see here on earth...
I'm reminded that today I enjoy my blessings because of a God who says, "My ways are not your ways and my thoughts are not your thoughts" so there's possibly a reason, I may not always think of, as to why I have been so blessed. Why you have been so blessed...Could it possibly be that today, this Thanksgiving Day 2015 you and I begin to think deeply, think a little higher, ponder for a moment as we give thanks that we, maybe we have been blessed to be a blessing to someone else...What would our good God have us to pass on...Peace, love, kindness, a pair of shoes, a coat, a turkey...whatever it is pass it on...be a blessing. It's not about me being blessed. It's not about you being blessed. It's about using what we have to be a blessing...

Happy Thanksgiving as we find ways to pass it on!
Lenee

Hello, my name is Lenee, I am a self-sufficient, bull-headed, stubborn, strongwilled, independent woman...

"Hello, Lenee," You respond....

And so we begin this support group...

I just have to say, I don't know what God is up to in this heart, head and life of mine. He is good though, I  do know that. He's been showing me so much over the past few weeks.

Just the other day, I felt him ask me why I won't just let him take care of me. Isn't that what every wife wants? Just to be taken care of by her husband? And if he's my husband like I say he is then  why can't I just let go and let him take care of me....My response was, hmmm that's such an awesome question God...why we gotta have this conversation today? The prodding continued and the question continued to linger in my head until I was able to say, ok why don't I just let you take care of me? What is it that hinders me from letting go and letting you take it?... I finally came up with a few things...

Over the past ten years of my single mom life I have become a self-sufficient, bull-headed, stubborn, strongwilled, independent woman!! I lack the ability to trust and I choose to do it myself with the fear of somebody else (even God) doing it for me and not getting it right... Yes, I said it. I am a control freak in many ways and a protector and shielder of my girls above many things. I hear the first step to recovery is recognition and admission...so, I begin here with you hearing my confession and waiting on God to show me steps two through twelve.

I don't want to be this same person a year from now or even a day from now...

When we would do spring cleaning growing up (which I hated mind you) we would have the house so messed up and I would be like, "mama, it looks so much worse now!" She would say, "sometimes you gotta mess it all up to clean up." Well, the only way I think I can put into words what I'm feeling right now is that I'm messed up (in a good way-I think) and I'm gonna choose to trust my good God to clean this mess up...oh and can I say I still hate spring cleaning!!!!

So, I just invite you this morning to ride this thing out with me. It's time for me to get raw, real and vulnerable under theses palm trees and allow my God to do what he is so good at doing... reworking and making me what I ought to be.... and just maybe some of the things he does in me will be some of the things he wants to do in you. There's a song we used to sing growing up in my little Baptist church in Ga and it's called "He's still working on me". I've been singing and humming it ever since a muddy, really muddy, day in Kenya a couple of Mondays ago... I'll be sharing about that day soon, but for now let's just sing, "it took him just a week to make the moon and the stars, the sun and the earth and Jupiter and Mars, how loving and patient he must be....

he's still working on me",
Lenee