"Do you know what your asking for?"
Well, I did it! On my way home the other night it was just me and God and I decided against the belief that we're not supposed to or that something terrible will happen when we do, I talked to God about this "patience" thing! And I straight out asked Him for it.
My words were something like, "God, I need some patience here so I'm just going to ask you for it! Please make me a patient person! Give me some patience! Please!!"
Well, what I felt Him speak into my spirit that night was pretty surprising to me and that's why I'm sharing this morning. I'm hoping it will shed some light on something I believe the enemy wants us to be afraid of and deny us of. Patience.
See, over the past several months I've been in a place where a longing to see hopes and dreams I had long ago set aside fulfilled has been rekindled. This is where the blogging gets a little difficult, ok? The bearing of my soul can be a little hard, but here we go God...
"Hope deferred makes the heart sick. but when dreams come true, there is life and joy." Proverbs 13:12
While I was taking a walk several months ago, I realized I had deferred the hope that I once had in several areas. One in particular. I was cool with not hoping to remarry, because it was just easier that way. But what God showed me that morning was that I really wasn't cool with it. Let me take a moment and say that God has blessed me and my girls more than I could ever, EVER imagine!! He is our everything and I pray He is always our number one man!!! Having said that, I also realize that it's okay to desire earthly companionship. Gosh, this is hard to talk about! So, that morning He showed me that I had been "deferring a hope" in fear that He nor I was big enough to handle the timing or way the hope would be fulfilled. He's big enough, I just wanted to maintain control of my feelings and desires and "just not dream so big". In my desire to stay safe in my thoughts and things here on earth I had actually made a pretty little box for my awesome BIG God!
So, that morning I said something like, 'okay God, you're right. This is something I want, but I want it your way. Not my way! I've kinda messed it up my way before! Help me to wait on you and trust you again. Trust me again.'
Then there's also this desire to just be living in GA at "Our little piece of heaven", a small little farm on a dirt road. Just to be able to not have to go to Wal-mart and push pills. Just to be able to wake up, watch the sunrise, sit a bit, bask in His presence, listen a bit, write a bit, and make pancakes for my girls...and/or hubby (in his time of course!). To just chill. I don't think I'm the only one who prefers chill over crazy! See crazy came along the other week when the carpet in my basement was found to be squishy with water. I mean a lot of water! This is when that hope that had been deferred was revealed once again. Here I am up here in NC and the AC unit is pouring water into the next room and my daddy is in GA and a "hubby" is nowhere to be found!!! I was ready to sell the house and I was done with "the wait"! I was tired! I mean tired!
I've finally learned in those moments, God can still handle me when I get in what I call "a puddle", a puddle of my emotions and tears and anger and frustrations. I've learned to "cry it out" with Him and ask Him, "what's next? You're the man of this house, what we gonna do now? And I'm tired God, I'm kinda tired of doing this, taking care of this house without an earthly man." So, those were my words that night. I cried. He, in His goodness reminded me of the "ShopVac" I had bought years ago that would suck up water. I texted a friend. She called and prayed for me, offered her "hubby" to help. I declined and did what I had to do. Cleaned up the mess as best I could. Wiped off my tears and prayed my red eyes would go back to normal and went up stairs to my girls, leaving the dehumidifier to do the rest.
There are things in this life real things that cause us to become impatient! There are dreams and hopes that we allow to lie hidden and we ignore because, well, because it's been so long! It could be a longing for a baby, it could be a longing for a home of our own, it could be a desire for a wayward child or spouse to turn to Jesus, it could be the longing for a "hubby" or a "wifey", it could be the longing for a good job, or retirement, it could be the longing for heaven! There are so many things that we desire. There are so many things that simply don't happen on this earth when we want them to.
Those things require patience. Those hopes require being still and knowing He is God and we, we are not. Those dreams and desires require us to wait, wait, and wait some more.
So, that night when I decided no matter if it was okay or not to "pray for patience" and I asked God for patience, I heard Him respond in my spirit in a sweet, loving voice, 'You are patient.' That's it. That was His response. 'You are patient.'
I was like, 'Wait, what?!' Then I felt Him remind me that I've already been single and taking care of this home in NC for over ten years now (as if I needed that reminder). Surely, that requires some patience. And I began to thank Him for those years.
Then, here's the best part, I thought, 'Wait a minute, wait a stinkin minute! Patience is a fruit of the Spirit! It's in the "list" in the Bible! I began to say to the list, 'love, joy, peace, kindness, longsuffering, PATIENCE.... I was like, 'Yay!!! It's in there!' That means it's something that is produced when I just stay connected to The Vine! I don't have to work for it! I don't have to pay for it! I just receive it and say, "Thank ya!"
It was like God showed me that it's kinda like a FedEx package has already been sent to my front door. It was part of the package sent to my address with my name on it when I first believed, but I just keep walking right past it, going inside and leaving it on my doorstep. It's only when I receive the package, the gift, open it and bring it inside that I begin to enjoy it's benefits.
The enemy wants us to stay blinded to the many gifts and fruits that have already been provided! He wants to keep us distracted from taking notice of the many packages sitting at our door addressed personally to us. If the enemy can keep us consumed with asking for things we already have then he will keep us from realizing we already have them, that they are ours and then using them effectively against him!
God has already provided. Through His Spirit and in Christ Jesus we have patience!!! I am patient! You are patient! God said it, not me! He gave it, not me!!! We have EVERYTHING in the "list"! We have to stop begging for or praying for something we have already been given. We got it! It's done. Jesus is sitting down, The Spirit abides in us. We are connected to the vine producing the fruit. Everything we need in this life to finish well, to run the race set before us, is at our doorstep, the door of our hearts. We have been given the patience to wait upon those things we hope for and the things we dream about. Open the door, stand in awe of all the gifts that are ours and be filled with the goodness of God and everything He has for us! It's a good day! It's a great life! He is a BIG BIG God!!!
Hope for it!!! Dream BIG!
Because sometimes we wait,
Lenée
